A Year

"...this is a letter of resignation. I am saying good-bye. Good-bye to all of you who like this old room, who can still live here and feel okay, still feel anything at all but the need to leave. I suppose this is a letter of warning, too. This old room is going to be the end of you, I do really believe that, if you choose to stay. This room is not a place that encourages or even values the things we are supposed to hold as precious and sacred. You should get out now, save what is worth saving - if in fact you can find anything of the sort - and get out. Get out and help with the gasoline and the matches."

--SIMPLICITY by mark salomon

It's been a year now. A year since these words ever became a reality in my present consciousness. A year since mark helped revive this slumbering soul. You see, I was very comfortable. I was very content, as I lay on the deathbed of my own religion, comfortable in the rigors of methodology and lost in lifeless liturgy.

The alarm still sounds...are you ready to rise?

I read the lyrics to Sand Dollar found in the book once more and smiled as it just "happened" to play on my xm radio on the ride home...

Some how, somewhere,
I've lost a part of me
Got caught up in this twisted place,
and I lost simplicity.

With my eyes wide, I'd like to thank and curse mark, for ruining my peaceful slumber and saving my life.

Left in Wonder

Do we have to settle? Have you? Should we be all inclusive and accommodating? Are you? Is our worship readily identifiable to the guy off the street? Should it be?

I really wish that I knew the answers to these questions...I really do. I really wish that I could leave them forever behind me and forget that they ever existed in my consciousness, but I can't. I really wish that I never experienced authentic worship in a rock medium that was strongly rooted in the bedrock of the gospel, but I have. I now realize had sad that last sentence is as I read it over again...but, I'm desperate.

In Matt Redman's new book Face Down, the afterword addresses styles of worship:

As different traditions and practices of Christian worship develop, they take on distinctive characteristics. Traditional cathedral worship is thought to convey the grandeur of God; charismatic choruses to convey intimacy with God; songs from Scotland's Iona community, the earthiness of serving Christ in the world; and so on. It would seem that the answer would be to mix and match different styles and traditions if we are to convey the breadth and depth of God in Christ and worship Him as He deserves. The trouble is that this answer ends up with acts of worship that lack coherence, acts in which everyone endures elements that they neither like nor feel they can express from the heart. A better strategy is to expand the scope and vocabulary of each tradition so that it more adequately carries the breadth and depth required of all Christian worship.

So, what say you? Do you see a lack of coherence? Do you choose to endure undesirable elements or unexpressed sentiments for the common good? Are you comfortably numb?

Please remember that I raise these questions to build and not to break. I love the bride and only desire for her to reach her full potential, instead of settling in a place of comfort in the name of tradition. It seems to me that comfort rarely equates to growth.

I jokingly asked Amy what a purely alternative worship service would look like and if she could dare imagine it. I was laughing as I posed the question then and as my laughter fades, I'm left in wonder. Oh that our services today did the same.

Fallen Failures

The year was 1988 and a lot seemed to be going on at the time. I was on a bus headed to Baker, La. for a playoff game against the Buffs after coming off one of the most successful years in recent memory for Natchitoches Central football and a big win at DeRidder the previous week. My family was back home in preparation for my sister's wedding that was to take place the following nite.

The trip was to be the longest of the year for us as a club and was pretty uneventful up until game time. We had stopped at Piccadilly on the way down for our pre-game meal and apparently the spaghetti didn't agree with me, because as I began to suit up to play, I was feeling it. I probably wouldn't even think of what happened next, safe for the fact that the Town Talk saw fit to send a reporter with us to chronicle every minute detail of the journey and game.

I told the coach that I wasn't feeling so hot and apparently honesty was not the best policy in retrospect. I had no intentions of missing this game regardless of my condition, but the staff quickly lost it. Among the things that I was told later, was to stop acting so sick...I was making the younger players nervous.

I say this to preface the fact that I think the faith shouldn't be this way. Some folks have said some very nice things about me and may look at me as a leader or whatever, but I want everyone to know that I'm a screw up. I'm very willing to share the mistakes in my life, if I thought that it'd help somebody. I don't believe in hiding what I feel, if anyone earnestly want's to know. I've never intended this for harm, but only to help and to heal.

All too often, in my opinion, we've got folks in leadership, or teaching, or whatever who feel that they've got to put on this front that points to a faith that's rock solid, unwavering and impervious to doubt. I don't know if this is all listener perceived or if the reality of this actually exist for others, but I know that I've felt it. I've felt this way from time to time and it scares me. It scares me to know that I'm just a couple prideful leaps away from an arrogance that is disgustingly rancid and of worth to no one or nothing.

Instead of making younger believers nervous, I belief that knowing and identifing with the struggles that we all share becomes a comfort. These same struggles become common ground upon which we are able to know one another, help one another and ultimately help one another heal. We're all failed, fallen creatures regardless of the fronts we decide to hide behind. Why not redirect that wasted energy of image projection into the building of brigdes to other fallen failures?

This is about broken hearts
This is about me
Bending again for nothing
I'd run to you but pain awaits
I'm coming home
But I'll be late
No deeper than imagination can be
Sight with nothing to see
What's faith if I can't believe
It's everything
A cure, but I make it a disease
God take me because I hate me
--Underoath

Standing on Shoulders

You ever put much thought into how you got to where you are right now? I'm not here to argue the whole nature vs. nurture thing, but rather to explore the science of our faith. What? What do the words faith and science have to do with each other and better yet, what business do they have being in the same sentence?

For some reason, last nite as I bunked with my Cam, I began to think of my responsibility to him to help nurture a faith in him that is real and that won't leave him flat after he comes to an age where he can fully examine it for himself. Maybe these things are paramount in my mind now, due to spending the week with my folks and being able to discuss issues of faith and spirituality with them. I think of my faith of old and try to compare it to the present walk and I guess this is how these questions are given life.

Sometimes it feels as if this life I live is more for others than for myself. I mostly feel that self, myself in particular, is just along for the ride, when presented with the daunting task of imitating the One who speaks perfection. I'm not saying that this is right or wrong, just how I feel.

I think about one of Cam's favorite movies, Jurassic Park. There's a line in there spoken by Jeff Goldblum about standing on the shoulders of giants in the advancement of science, or something like that. In light of my present situation, I can think of no greater illustration to keep me focused...centered.

As parents, christians with a heart to disciple, or even merely civic minded humans shouldn't our goal be to be missional in the sense of providing shoulders upon which those to follow to stand to reach even greater heights? Who doesn't long for better days for those that follow them? Why should these better days be thought of in terms of the physical and be left devoid of anything spiritual?

My desire is to leave this terrestrial orb with confidence in the shoulders of spirituality I'm leaving behind. Cam may not be the next Mark Driscoll, but it's my prayer that he'd be better than I ever thought of being. I pray that I'd do nothing to weaken his cemented identity in Christ that allows for firm footing and propels his unbelievable growth in Him.

May this be the prayer for all of us and the legacy of faith that we're to leave behind.

Thanks

A stone of stumbling,
and a rock of offense.

Oh how attractive the proposition
To bandage this bloody faith, removing all chances to stumble and offensive pretense

It can't be done and still remain
The way toward heaven, the Lord's righteous domain.

Tethered not to the gospel, the story loses it's flavor
Devoid of absolute Truth, power of redemption, our bloody, beaten Savior

The One who decided to go His Father's way
Was anything but weak by the end of that day

He held nothing back and gave it all
For those who'd become the giants of our faith and also for the small

With my belly filled and perceived satisfaction in place
I should rather be focused on Him, His pain, His face

The ultimate Thanksgiving meal was served up that day
May we ever feast on His blood, His body, for it is the only way

Thank you most definitely for the premier Thanksgiving feast
To redeem this man, who more often resembles a beast

This is offensive and I pray it remains to be
For this offense, the price was paid and I've been set free

Songs of subversion

Picked up the new U2 today. I'm progressively becoming a big fan of theirs. I don't know if it's the subversive lyrics, the witness of Bono through his civic involvement, or God forbid their music. I believe that all 3 reasons have merit and they may not be capable of mutually exclusivity.

Vertigo

I can feel your love teaching me how
Your love is teaching me how, how to kneel...

Miracle Drug

Beneath the noise
Below the din
I hear a voice
It's whispering
In science and in medicine
"I was a stranger
You took me in"

Love and Peace or Else

Lay down
Lay down your guns
All your daughters of Zion
All your Abraham sons

City of Blinding Lights

The more you know the less you feel
Some pray for others steal
Blessings are not just for the ones who kneel...luckily

All Because of You

I was born a child of grace
Nothing else about the place
Everything was ugly but your beautiful face
And it left me no illusion

I saw you in the curve of the moon
In the shadow cast across my room
You heard me in my tune
When I just heard confusion

All because of You
I am...I am

Yahweh

Take these hands
Teach them what to carry
Take these hands
Don't make a fist
Take this mouth
So quick to criticise
Take this mouth
Give it a kiss

Take this city
A city should be shining on a hill
Take this city
If it be your will
What no man can own, no man can take
Take this heart
Take this heart
Take this heart
And make it break

Support the troops...buy this cd...

Stripes

The more we try, the more apparent it becomes that you can never go home again. I mean, you can, but you can't. (?) I write this as I sit on the recliner at my folks home, so I guess that the previous statement is untrue in a very literal sense, but the home of my youth is gone forever.

This is good and bad I guess. Either way it seems to do no good to argue the matter at length, because whatever the results of the debate, reality remains unchanged.

Reality...The quality or state of being actual or true.

Truth is that our memories are to be dealt with and learned from in shaping who we are and are becoming, or they are to be suppressed, lurking somewhere near the surface, preventing us from genuinely dealing with the future and truly identifying with our authentic selves. Memory serves as a double edged sword to cut through the fog of the future or to continually injure ourselves in the fumbling of the tarps we use to cover the past.

We watched the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind last nite and have been thinking a lot about the part our memories play in our future. If we can't/won't/don't learn from our prior experiences then where does that leave us? I've heard that Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Life seems to be a lot like this. Full of insane people, who for some reason or another don't get it or don't want to. Our churches are comprised of these people, so where does that leave us? Pretty pathetic as a whole, I must say.

Imagine a room with soft lights, books, hot coffee and oversized chairs where brothers and sisters air it all out. Where folks unashamedly pouring out their pasts in hopes for a better future, for them and for others.

Follow the progression:

By His stripes we are healed...

We are called to be "little Christs"...

By exposing instead of disposing of our stripes, others are healed...including ourselves...

Let the healing begin...

Indelible

The word rolls smooth as silk of the tongue, the down beat of the previous syllable giving way to the up beat of the next. The sound of it even gives flight to fanciful ideas of rotation, spinning and twirling in the breeze. The thud of the d hits ever so softly, yet gives clues as to the true meaning.

It means to not be blotted out or erased; ineffaceable; ingrained. Okay...so what does ineffaceable mean?

ineffaceable - incapable of being rubbed out

and ingrained?

ingrained - firmly fixed

So, where is all this going? What's with all the Webster's plagiary? Well, I'll let you in on a secret. I just recently interviewed Demon Hunter for deathway.com and am psyched about the experience. I've always got a rush from seeing the words along with the graphics get posted and sharing insight gained with everyone and anyone interested. This one is no different in that regard, and just like all the others I've learned something from the whole process and couldn't help but share it.

I picked up Summer of Darkness last week, while ironically enough, in Seattle of all places. It wasn't till I got home with it and got to peruse the lyrics somewhat did I realize what I had. I knew that I liked heartstrings & play dead going in, but I didn't know to what extent that the lyrics would grab hold of me and not let go.

This brings me to the point of this whole train wreck. Are you content with where you are at? Are you happy at where you've settled or does the meaninglessness of your life bring about thoughts of drugery and constant struggle? Do you find joy in that new car, toy or cd, only to find that it doesn't last near as long as the feelings you had after buying the last one and that that feeling is getting progressively shorter? Are you coming to a stage where you're beginning to wonder about the end and that looking back, you wonder if there'll be anything to see?

Intro: I Play Dead

I WON'T, I WON'T LEAVE WITHOUT A TRACE
I WON'T BE ERASED

Are you firmly fixed? After you lay down to take a little dirt nap, will the very essence that is your soul be rubbed out, never to be seen again? Will all your labor here below be but a faint memory that dies with your contemporaries? Are you like me and long to leave a legacy that points the way for others to follow.

First century believers had the guts to say "imitate me, as I imitate Christ." Where are our guts? If we truly imitate Him we'll have guts and He'll have glory. So, I say fight, rage, wage war against your own indifference and complacency. Terrorize yourself into some uncomfortable places for His sake.

I refuse to be another in the long list that history passes by, with nothing to show that they were ever here or ever changed the world in which they lived. I beg you to join me. Don't leave without a trace. Refuse to be erased. Leave an indelible mark of your existence. Be firmly fixed in Christ and Him alone.

Break Me

Please allow me a little latitude. I don't mean to come across as hypercritical, judgmental, cynical or overly negative. I'm just not happy with the spiritual state of things, especially myself. I am completely satisfied in our Savior and overly joyed by His work in my life. I just realize that He intends so much more for me and for His people.

That's what this is all about. This is not about blind allegiance and being satisfied or comfortable and not realizing that I've lived a completely separate and ineffective life. I so desperately want to cling to the Savior, while arm and arm with my brothers (the church) and my neighbors (culture). For me it is not an either/ or proposition, it's a both/and.

I'm called to love Him with everything that I've got and to love my neighbor as myself. The whole law hangs on this very sentence. I also know that He is most glorified as I'm satisfied in Him. I just want a little satisfaction, like Mick.

How can you be joyous and yet be unsatisfied? I'm not sure, but I am. This is yet another paradox that so often arises in my walk. I have great joy, but I hunger for more. He's brought me so far, but I still realize that I've got miles to go. I don't want to rest. I don't want to stop. I want to continue the walk and it's just that right now the path isn't very clear.

I want to share all these things with you, because maybe it'll help. Maybe my struggles will bring illumination of the tension that we as believers are called to live in. To love a perfect God and His fallen creation requires balance and moderation and most of all guts.

I'm just tired of methodologies, formulas and programs and just want some authentic people to journey with. Tell me you love me or that you hate me, I don't care. Buke and rebuke me...at least we're communicating. Our Savior came and displayed a life of true, authentic passion and isn't He our ultimate example?

We've heard that "for me and my house stuff" and this is great, but can we say it with a little conviction? Can the words of our mouth be more than just a clanging gong or crashing cymbal? Can we truly be passionate? for Him? for our brothers? for our neighbors?

I want to go on record now! May the Lord be lord in my life and grant me a very contagious passion for Him and His creation or may He crush me. May He humble me or do whatever it takes to bring me to the point of sickening compassion if I'm not there already. May my passion be construed as such and nothing else. May He enable me to love people to death...their death to self, this world and the things of it, so that they may find true life, joy and peace in Him. If need be, break me Lord Jesus, for Your glory...

What Are Ya' Feedin'?

Noonkuta Kioyet, a mother of five, says the drought has brought immense suffering to her family. "We had 100 cows, but all of them are dead," she whispers. Esther, a grandmother, said, "I have been without food so long that I no longer feel the pangs of hunger. "Tears filled her eyes as she told of putting her 18-month-old grandson to bed without feeding him first. In the midst of a worsening situation, Esther tries to hang onto hope. "Our friends will help us," she says as she wipes tears from her eyes. Will you be one of the friends Esther is looking for?

Every $32 you send will provide $512 in urgently needed food such as beans, rice, vegetable oil, peas, wheat, soybeans, and corn for hungry children! World Vision has been given an opportunity to help save children's lives through $91.8 million in grants from the U.S. government! Because your gift will be combined with grant funds, it will multiply 16 times in impact to provide lifesaving food for 4.5 million children and families who are living on the edge of starvation. Please don't pass up this amazing opportunity to save children's lives. Every gift is important. Jesus said if you "give even a cup of cold water to a little child" in His name, "you will surely be rewarded." (Matthew 10:42, LB) Your gift will touch the heart of God, and you will have the joy of knowing that He is pleased by your compassionate act. Please respond generously. The situation is truly urgent.

It's so much easier to curse the darkness than to light a candle. If you've been reading me for long, you might think that I'm the potty-mouthed kid that runs into things in the dark, but I can assure you, as humbly as I can, that this isn't the case. Christ asks us if we love Him and that if we do we're to feed His sheep.

I implore you. If you're not giving in some capacity to an organization such as this, the local body or whatever, you've got to question yourself and your love for Him.

FOLLOW ME!

Playing Dead

Where do you turn at the end of hope?
Where realilty overwhelms and it's impossible to cope

Do you trudge on and make believe?
Untrue to self and readily deceived

Truth is still there and remains absolute
Though harder to see and difficult to compute

We die a little more, day after day
Longing for Him to take the tears away

"He'll be here soon, just stick by the stuff"
Hanging by threads seems barely enough

We gather together, yet remain all alone
Portraying interwoven orchestra, but in reality...monotone

We lift high the method and strike up the band
Forgetting the Warrior who wrote in the sand

Tongues in high gear and our gray matter disengaged
I leave feeling empty, broken and enraged

How much longer will I endure?
I can only sit and wonder and say I'm not sure

I'll remain faithful and Him only respect
I just wonder sometimes if this is really the elect

This is not right and can't be what He meant
I hope I meet right before all my days are spent

I know that we now can only see in part
But can we be transformed without using our heart?

I want Your will be done and not my own
But I don't think I can continue on alone

Please raise up Your army and let me take part
Just a few rattling bones would be a good start

I'll be waiting and dangling by this thread
Just look for the lone idiot, hopefully playing dead

Marching Forward on Bloody Stumps

I was reading about a pastor that I had just met and how he described his greatest disadvantage as not knowing what he was doing. That blew me away. I'd heard him preach. I watched him worship. I've studied his words and deeds. He never let on as if he wasn't fully aware of what he was doing or what God had called him to do.

He also goes on to say how he's only been able to write with authority, because he's found a lot of the land mines associated with this particular type of ministry...usually by stepping on them. I could only hope for you to be able to imagine how liberating these admissions are. This particular guy is one that I admire and it gives me great hope to hear of the struggles. I feel that I'm more inspired by the struggle than the success.

Often times a guess that we gaze upon the success of others, or maybe even or own, and forget the broken eggs it took to make the omelet. Maybe it's that our tents are bent on momentum and that can be swung just as quickly from being on a positive roll to leading down a slippery slope. I'm on the slope now.

I don't want this to turn into bitch, moan and whine session, but I feel that I'm prone to that from time to time. For those of you who've endured, thanks and for those of you who've just tuned in, consider yourselves lucky. I'm really a decent guy, I just sometimes wish that I'd never awoken from my spiritual slumber.

For those of you new to the game, repeat after me:

SLEEP/EAT/WORK/SLEEP X 6
SLEEP/EAT/SPEND TIME W/LIKE DRESSED REPEATING MEANINGLESS WORDS/SLEEP

REPEAT CYCLE

Depending on the level of sleep/awakeness you can actually participate in the following:

1) Wonder how in the world the guy sitting next to you could possible be saved wearing a Guinness T
2) Be more spiritual than the pastor by proclaiming greater knowledge on the days scripture
3) Talk about what's for lunch during the offertory
4) Stick your spouse in the ribs when the good points of the sermon pertain especially to them
5) Actually consider the implications of the Ebenezer stone you just sang about
6) Walk away from the liturgy with something of substance other than middle english
7) Close the doors behind you and see a broken and decaying world
8) See a broken/decaying world and actually feel despair
9) Feel despair over a broken/decaying world and want to take action
10) Wheel back around and realize the broken/decaying liturgy through which you just sat

I have absolutely NO idea as to where to go from here. NONE. NATTA. NIL. NOTHING. Remembering the model I had just witnessed and how it was birthed through ignorance and stumbling upon land mines gives comfort.

So, I guess that in all of this we are to march onward. Onward and upward, hunh? I just never thought that it'd be on the bloody stumps I'm left with instead of the legs with which we once were proudly carried into this mine field.

So much easier to sleep...zzz...no worries...zzz...no problems...zzz...no conviction...zzz...

From Sword to Shovel

I need help. I wonder if I'm just reaping now where I once sowed, have unrealistic ideations or that I'm just an idiot. I knew that from the very first service that I attended in Seattle that this was to come and yet I still wonder. I knew the intoxicating power of sitting in unison with my brothers of like mind and choked back tears in realizing of what was to come, but I just don't want to succumb. I just don't want to settle.

I felt such a strong sense of community there with guys that I hadn't know from Adam just the days before and now I return and long for what I had. Something is a miss here and I can't quite put my finger on it. I've got my ideas, but I hesitate to breathe them aloud.

I've stared at the definition for so long and for so often that the page in webster's automatically flops open upon putting the book spine side down. I long for community and look for clues. What's at the root? Maybe the answers?

commune (ka mun') v.i. to converse together intimately; to have spiritual intercourse

What? I've prayed to commune with the Father and with fellow believers, but I don't think that I imagined anything remotely involving intercourse, even if it is spiritual. Who would?

So maybe I have my answer. Talk's cheap Lee and you're not much of a spender, I think to myself. I guess this is where I get mad at others when I reap the happy meal instead of that ever satsifying rib eye, forgetting that it was I who sowed to my own mastication to begin with. Here's where I rant and rave and waste my time typing and your time reading of my own futileness.

Here's where we don't even bother to go there. Let's just say that I suck and leave it at that. I have reaped, am unrealistic and am an idiot, but I refuse to quit and settle.

Anybody up for a little intercourse? I'll be the drooling fool, sheepishly breaking my hoe on the rocks. Maybe it'll resemble more hoe than what it was before, after He's done with the beating.

4 Letter Words

Everyone born, raised and still living in the southeastern U.S. might want to avert your eyes for the next few lines. I'm about to pontificate a bit about the use of a word that we should take another look at perhaps, and maybe, just maybe begin to incorporate it into our everyday lives. Are we ready now? Everybody in their collective seats? Good, 'cause here we go...

LIBERAL

O-kay, I said it. I'll give you time to pull yourselves back up into your seats before we proceed. Just a few more moments before we go on, so you still have time to catch your breath or wipe that stinging sensation from your eyes. Ready?

I was just putting together some notes for class tomorrow when I came across this small tidbit of heresy, formulated as a sentence, but yet subversively attempts to slip this one past us. I found it in reading about 3 types of Christianity described as: 1) the parachurch, 2) liberalism and 3) fundamentalism. Each type has their own set of problems but can easily be summed up by the lack of love for one of the following: 1) the Lord, 2) our neighbor or 3) our brother.

The parachurch loves the gospel and culture, but at the forsaking of the love of our brothers, i.e. the church corporate. Liberalism loves culture and the church, but lacks in a true love for the Lord who is at the heart of the gospel. Fundamentalism loves the gospel and the church, but could generally care less about our neighbors in this lost and dying world.

Now that the foundation is set, here comes the statement. "Reformission is a gathering of the best aspects of each of these types of Christianity: living in the tension of being Christians and churches who are culturally liberal yet theologically conservative and who are driven by the gospel of grace to love their Lord, brothers, and neighbors. Nothing like a 4 letter word to spice up a sentence hunh?

This sentence sums my existence at this very moment. I pray that I could only make it incarnate in my life. I've existed and operated from a fundamentally "safe" position for far too long. I've said that I've loved, but have not. I've loved Him and His own...alone.(PERIOD)

I apologize for my delay. I can't make up for lost time, but I intend to not apologize any longer for the present or future to come. Make me the very thing that I thought that I should despise, while still grasping tightly to You, to become incarnate.

Priceless

This is living testament to the fact that prayers are answered. I just got back from Seattle this afternoon with teeth missing. They were dead anyway and I don't think that they'll be missed.

Piper says that "God is most glorified as we're most satisfied in Him." I've never heard this before, but I'd like to make it paramount in my life. He goes on to say how faith and evangelism should all be based around the fact that our greatest treasure in the whole universe should be Christ and Him alone. When we truly begin to treasure Him, as He should be, He receives glory and we receive peace. To put Piper in redneck terms, this is a deal that you can't beat with a stick!

If we don't treasure Him, we'll definitely find something to. When sex, booze, our kids, playstation 2, our house, cars, religion, right living/thinking or whatever becomes our treasure it's nothing short of idolatry. For those not familiar...idolatry = bad. Mucho bad. If you really think about and consider it for a while, why in the hell would you ever treasure anything more than the most valuable commodity in the whole universe??? Could it be for some fleeting pleasures behind closed doors? Would we gladly relinquish an eternal gift for something temporal, like anything in this earth, so much so that's it's considered a vapor?

He's glorified not only by being seen, but by our rejoicing in Him. So, rejoice folks and let Him be glorified. Engage culture and love your brother with reckless abandon. Hold tight to Truth and drink this abundant life to the full, for in that He is glorified. Jump from the Ivory Towers filled with deadmen's bones and be immersed in the moat of His majesty. Loose your grip from your own petty depression that you claim ownership over and allow this glorious gospel loose through your laughter that lashes out at the mundane and dreadful.

This treasure is surely without measure...

Here comes the boot

I'm ready to fly...

Tonight's it for me & Seattle. It's been a blast, I've learned a great deal and I comin' back home with a belly full o' fire. I got to hear Mark preach the morning session, heard some good stuff on the daVinci Code/Jesus Seminar, evangelism in the post-christian world (or modern world...can't remember right now) & followed it up with another heapin' helpin' o' John Piper.

My sponge is overly saturated & it'll probably take some doing to process & internalize everything I've been privy to here, but I'l gonna give it a shot...

The ol' convictions seem stronger than ever and that's only because I believe that I've got a better understanding of the One who sends me. He not only gives me life, grants me peace when I glorify Him, but He also "put a boot to the head of Satan at Calvary." I just love how that was put today...

I'll fly away...tomorow!

Get ready peeps! Here comes daddy!

Still Loud Voice

Another God moment today/tonight. John Piper stands and presents the heart of deathway.com with his comments on Phil 1:21 and his opening prayer to begin the night session. He prays that none would glory in anything there tonite save for the cross thru which we're crucified to the world & the world to us.

WOW!!!

These are the very ideals upon which we started dw & only those which we've always wanted for it to be. The guys name was John Piper, but I clearly heard the Almighty...

Names/faces

Just got back from the 1st session. Had a blast. Got to meet Mark & Chris. Seemed to be pretty solid folks...

Chris spoke on wisdom vs. knowledge...really insightful. A lot of what I've been reading & hearing are the things that I've had within for sooo long without a good means to articulate them. I thank God for guys like this...

Spent the day with a dude named Ford from Cincy...pretty radical guy...have been encouraged greatly!

Definitely glad I came...I'm already trying to think of ways to incorporate what I'm hearing and what I'm going to hear...

Nothing like a creative breath of fresh air from those truly inspired by the Creator...

On to the Hill

Just checked out Seattle Center...major bummed the reason (Experience Music) I went for is closed on Mondays! They should really update their ads...

Saw the Space Needle, Key Arena & some more stuff...

I just dropped by to pick up my stuff at the hotel & head to church for registration...

Ready to rock!

Catching Up

Thought that I'd drop a quick note sense I had a minute. Getting over the travel in addition to a 30+ hour period of being awake hasn't been too tough. I feel like I've landed on Mars. The landscape and scenery is like nothing that I'm accustomed to, but is really something to behold.

Flying over the mountainous terrain below and seeing the vastness of the earth from an elevated height really makes me appreciate the Maker all the more. I tend to forget how small I am in the grand scheme of things. The enormity of creation can be quite overwhelming.

All is well. Miss my homepeople. It's going to be an awesome experience.

I'm already doing what I thought that I'd never do. Paying for a conference and actually going to it. What novelty!

Dental Work

...'cause I'm leavin', on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again...

ok, I do know when I'll be back again (thu @ 2:31), but that's not how the song goes

Please remember my beautiful bride & 3 kids this week while I'm away...

They're the most valuable thing that I don't own in the world...

peace

p.s. pray that I get my teeth kicked in in Seattle...

Up a Size & 1/2!

You ever been torn between emotions on the same subject? I'm there now. I'm absolutely abhorring the idea of flying away to Seattle for 4 days and leaving my family behind, but on the other hand I'm so stoked at the idea that I can hardly articulate it.

I'm headin' to the Hill (Mars), for the Reformission Conference and am going with a divided heart. I know that this is right, but it still doesn't make it any easier. I can hardly bare to be away from my peeps, but I know that I'm going to return to them different than how I left. In this case, different is definitely better.

I'm not exactly the scum of the earth now, but everybody has room to grow/improve. I'm going on record now, that if I don't come back 10x the man I am now, I give Amy the right to blow my brains out. I'm just confident that regardless of how this thing goes, that I'll be more dedicated to the Father, my crew & His creation than ever. I believe this should be true for every trip to the local gathering, but unfortunately, this is seldom the case.

We should never leave the body after a divine encounter the same way that we went in. I'm ashamed to say that I can count on one hand the number of times that I've felt this way though. I'm not into faking it and now that I think about it, I realize how pathetic that last sentence actually is. I should be ashamed and I am.

The price paid was way too high for this to continue to happen.

The very idea of me going is, in and of itself encouraging, because this is something that I never would have imagined me considering a couple years ago. I was consumed then, much like I am now, but with self and shockingly enough family. Yep, I said family. I mistakenly coveted my family to the point of a lack of an authentic Relationship.

It took some doing, but I've finally awakened from my spiritual slumber and don't intend on napping again anytime soon.

It's not that I love my family any less now, it's just that I can finally reconcile with what Jesus says about anyone that loves his son or daughter more than Him. It's like I've gained more capacity to love. I'm like the Grinch in reverse when he looks at the x-ray and comments that his heart is down a size and 1/2..."and this time I'll keep it off!" When I make time to nurture THE RELATIONSHIP, my other relationships are only edified.

By coveting my family and the time with them, I can never be the father and husband that they deserve. By spending time with my Father and finding my true identity in His son, I am transformed from degree to degree into what He'd really have me be. Seattle's going to be great, but I've already gained by my submission to go in the first place.

I'm still going to feel the guilt of leaving my peeps behind & miss them big time, but at least I'm comforted by working out the calling that's placed on me. I could write another couple hundred words and still not be able to express how appreciative I am to have a wife that realizes this. Amy, you are truly amazing!

Look out boys & girls...here I grow again.

Scream with Your Mouth Shut

Evangelism

I can think of no other word that more accurately epitomizes the very ineptness of my attempts to relay the values of Relationship. I've missed the boat big time and believe me it wasn't always in good faith to do a little water walking. I definitely felt like a kid on Christmas ready to weld a new toy when armed with the latest program, acronym or list of cliché’s.

Looking back I have no idea how I could be so foolish or how the church could be so ill prepared to send us out. I've been a part of the problem for far too long. Hell, I've even taught the very things that I believe so many despise and countless others have been turned off by. The militants shrug and say that they've done their jobs. I shudder and wonder how many I've pushed away.

This walk is real and organic. It is not something that's cliche', able to be summed up by acronyms, and it's definitely not programmable. These things may be effective tools when internalized, but they fall flat as a means to an end.

Who starts to tell you about their significant other by breaking into a rehearsed verse of memorized lines? Evangelism should always equal experience. How else can we effectively articulate the Relationship?

Do you witness about One or of One through the very real way that He interacts in your life? If your answer is the previous, I beg of you...please stop. He's worth more than that and there isn't a program, cliche', pat answer or acronym that conveys it.

Shut up and start telling people how much you love Him...

Dawn of A Dead

What if I knew the Way, but not the name
His glory made manifest sans the shame
Would you despise the claim
Would I be loved the same?

Who's opinion matters in this existence
Why do we run to attack another's resistance
He's the same tomorrow, today and ever since
Do all of His have to be so dense?

Increase the peace by increasing the talk
Seems to be too much chatter and not enough walk
Tombs white washed, outside's as chalk
No wonder the dying prefer to balk

It works for you and that's fine
I've got my truth to bide my time
Don't bother with me if you're so inclined
No absolutes have made me blind

We're a seamless cloth or so I'm told
I want to walk, if I be so bold
To show His love and not to scold
To give loving warmth instead cold

I'm left alone to draw conclusions
Conflicting views appear as illusions
I long for community not seclusion
I'm left wanting, drowning in delusion

This can't be it, there must be more
I want the virgin bride and not the whore
I know One who knows the score
I'm sure there are others here to look for

Did they try and just give up
Discouraged at the lack of those with which to sup
I struggle now to keep my head up
Knowing the half full becomes the half empty cup

Grant me please to find a few
Just some siblings to cling to
We'll hang together threw and threw
If not, we'll die alone, still seeking You

Maybe it's You that gets us and You alone
After all, you knitted the muscles, sinews and bone
You've know us all along
You set eternity within us, like a song

Forgive my greediness, but I must continue to ask
To send the sojourners with which to bask
To travel this sod, to aid in the task
To share the plate and drink from the same flask

If no one ever comes to call
I'll press on and stand tall
I know you'll continue to lift me when I fall
You're the reason for this all

Older Woman

Ever feel like dropping church? I mean what is church anyways? Would I really be in the wrong for dropping an aged and decrepit lady that's lost her way? She often times feels like an old girl who once was vibrant and alive, but is now relegated to the nursing home life of sitting idly by in soiled diapers while the world passes her by. Surely my unlimited abilities of rationalization can get me out of her company while serving my own interests in a wide world that appears alive and ready for engagement.

I had been doing a lot of down time thinking about the Christ and whether or not it be unfit to call Him homeboy or not. If He truly is, how could He be offended by a modern day reckoning of the very words that He told the 12? "You are my friends, if you do what I command you." Friends, friends...hmh...maybe Jars puts this struggle into better focus by their lyrics from Love Song for A Savior...

It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

"I want to fall in love with You"

"my heart beats for You"

...maybe not...maybe so...I don't know. I look deeper into the original text of John 15:14 and am surprised by what I find. Maybe it's time to break out the depends and head to the home after what I found. The word philos, which is what Jesus uses here has 4 possible meanings:

1) friend, to be friendly to one, wish him well

a) a friend
b) an associate
c) he who associates familiarly with one, a companion
d) one of the bridegroom's friends who on his behalf asked the hand of the bride and rendered him various services in closing the marriage and celebrating the nuptials

Option d of course hits me like a ton of bricks, especially in light of our attending a wedding of good friends last night. If I'm His friend, homeboy or whatever, I'm to attend to this majestic madam, soiled or not, until He makes good on His promise to return for us. He not only requests it, He expects it. I'm His proxy here until further notice.

Maybe my new motto will be akin to the quote I saw recently. When asked what is the most embarrassing thing about church today, several preachers gave long soliloquies and explanations. When the husband of this particular poster's turn came, he simple said "my name."

Word War

se man tic (sa man' tik) a. pert. to meaning of words. -s

This is what we've come to I guess. I don't know the origin, but it's end is no where in sight. It's the new pastime for His elect instead of reaching and loving. We get predisposed with the argument so that it leaves no time for application.

Did He really mean this or that? Was His life about that or this? This is what I believe and that's it!

Oh the joy of quiet reflection on the Word from old as compared to the study in the company of intolerance. I'm not asking for a plurastic approach to an absolute truth, but merely a little levity in considering truths to be mined from the inerrent Word. I just don't tend to find myself as bold in the proclamation of meaning in all instances as some. I'm not really sure how one could be so egotistical. Conviction is one thing, but to the extent that it precludes all valid argument beyond discussion, appears to be unreasonable.

These experiences with secular pseudo-omniscience leave me cold, drained and definitely NOT looking forward to another battle. Others defer in silence to remain from the fray and I join them from time to time, but am unfortunately not allowed the convenience for long. I'm eventually pressed into service, not to right a wrong or settle a score, but preferably to interject a different possibility. After all, if I know what I believe and refuse to respond after prodding by the Spirit, I'm much the less for it.

Enough of the resounding gongs and clanging cymbals that sound of semantics...let love rule.