Up a Size & 1/2!
You ever been torn between emotions on the same subject? I'm there now. I'm absolutely abhorring the idea of flying away to Seattle for 4 days and leaving my family behind, but on the other hand I'm so stoked at the idea that I can hardly articulate it.
I'm headin' to the Hill (Mars), for the Reformission Conference and am going with a divided heart. I know that this is right, but it still doesn't make it any easier. I can hardly bare to be away from my peeps, but I know that I'm going to return to them different than how I left. In this case, different is definitely better.
I'm not exactly the scum of the earth now, but everybody has room to grow/improve. I'm going on record now, that if I don't come back 10x the man I am now, I give Amy the right to blow my brains out. I'm just confident that regardless of how this thing goes, that I'll be more dedicated to the Father, my crew & His creation than ever. I believe this should be true for every trip to the local gathering, but unfortunately, this is seldom the case.
We should never leave the body after a divine encounter the same way that we went in. I'm ashamed to say that I can count on one hand the number of times that I've felt this way though. I'm not into faking it and now that I think about it, I realize how pathetic that last sentence actually is. I should be ashamed and I am.
The price paid was way too high for this to continue to happen.
The very idea of me going is, in and of itself encouraging, because this is something that I never would have imagined me considering a couple years ago. I was consumed then, much like I am now, but with self and shockingly enough family. Yep, I said family. I mistakenly coveted my family to the point of a lack of an authentic Relationship.
It took some doing, but I've finally awakened from my spiritual slumber and don't intend on napping again anytime soon.
It's not that I love my family any less now, it's just that I can finally reconcile with what Jesus says about anyone that loves his son or daughter more than Him. It's like I've gained more capacity to love. I'm like the Grinch in reverse when he looks at the x-ray and comments that his heart is down a size and 1/2..."and this time I'll keep it off!" When I make time to nurture THE RELATIONSHIP, my other relationships are only edified.
By coveting my family and the time with them, I can never be the father and husband that they deserve. By spending time with my Father and finding my true identity in His son, I am transformed from degree to degree into what He'd really have me be. Seattle's going to be great, but I've already gained by my submission to go in the first place.
I'm still going to feel the guilt of leaving my peeps behind & miss them big time, but at least I'm comforted by working out the calling that's placed on me. I could write another couple hundred words and still not be able to express how appreciative I am to have a wife that realizes this. Amy, you are truly amazing!
Look out boys & girls...here I grow again.
I'm headin' to the Hill (Mars), for the Reformission Conference and am going with a divided heart. I know that this is right, but it still doesn't make it any easier. I can hardly bare to be away from my peeps, but I know that I'm going to return to them different than how I left. In this case, different is definitely better.
I'm not exactly the scum of the earth now, but everybody has room to grow/improve. I'm going on record now, that if I don't come back 10x the man I am now, I give Amy the right to blow my brains out. I'm just confident that regardless of how this thing goes, that I'll be more dedicated to the Father, my crew & His creation than ever. I believe this should be true for every trip to the local gathering, but unfortunately, this is seldom the case.
We should never leave the body after a divine encounter the same way that we went in. I'm ashamed to say that I can count on one hand the number of times that I've felt this way though. I'm not into faking it and now that I think about it, I realize how pathetic that last sentence actually is. I should be ashamed and I am.
The price paid was way too high for this to continue to happen.
The very idea of me going is, in and of itself encouraging, because this is something that I never would have imagined me considering a couple years ago. I was consumed then, much like I am now, but with self and shockingly enough family. Yep, I said family. I mistakenly coveted my family to the point of a lack of an authentic Relationship.
It took some doing, but I've finally awakened from my spiritual slumber and don't intend on napping again anytime soon.
It's not that I love my family any less now, it's just that I can finally reconcile with what Jesus says about anyone that loves his son or daughter more than Him. It's like I've gained more capacity to love. I'm like the Grinch in reverse when he looks at the x-ray and comments that his heart is down a size and 1/2..."and this time I'll keep it off!" When I make time to nurture THE RELATIONSHIP, my other relationships are only edified.
By coveting my family and the time with them, I can never be the father and husband that they deserve. By spending time with my Father and finding my true identity in His son, I am transformed from degree to degree into what He'd really have me be. Seattle's going to be great, but I've already gained by my submission to go in the first place.
I'm still going to feel the guilt of leaving my peeps behind & miss them big time, but at least I'm comforted by working out the calling that's placed on me. I could write another couple hundred words and still not be able to express how appreciative I am to have a wife that realizes this. Amy, you are truly amazing!
Look out boys & girls...here I grow again.
posted by lee at 3:24 AM
1 Comments:
Seattle is an awesome city. I was at Mars HIll Church this time last year. I guess you are goin to Mars Hill school??? It will be foggy, but I really liked the area. I have two former professors who live their and I am on their board to start a spiritual center. I was there in June and it was beautiful!
I like how you love your wife. I love my wife deeply. She is great!
Peace,
Rick
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