Fallen Failures
The year was 1988 and a lot seemed to be going on at the time. I was on a bus headed to Baker, La. for a playoff game against the Buffs after coming off one of the most successful years in recent memory for Natchitoches Central football and a big win at DeRidder the previous week. My family was back home in preparation for my sister's wedding that was to take place the following nite.
The trip was to be the longest of the year for us as a club and was pretty uneventful up until game time. We had stopped at Piccadilly on the way down for our pre-game meal and apparently the spaghetti didn't agree with me, because as I began to suit up to play, I was feeling it. I probably wouldn't even think of what happened next, safe for the fact that the Town Talk saw fit to send a reporter with us to chronicle every minute detail of the journey and game.
I told the coach that I wasn't feeling so hot and apparently honesty was not the best policy in retrospect. I had no intentions of missing this game regardless of my condition, but the staff quickly lost it. Among the things that I was told later, was to stop acting so sick...I was making the younger players nervous.
I say this to preface the fact that I think the faith shouldn't be this way. Some folks have said some very nice things about me and may look at me as a leader or whatever, but I want everyone to know that I'm a screw up. I'm very willing to share the mistakes in my life, if I thought that it'd help somebody. I don't believe in hiding what I feel, if anyone earnestly want's to know. I've never intended this for harm, but only to help and to heal.
All too often, in my opinion, we've got folks in leadership, or teaching, or whatever who feel that they've got to put on this front that points to a faith that's rock solid, unwavering and impervious to doubt. I don't know if this is all listener perceived or if the reality of this actually exist for others, but I know that I've felt it. I've felt this way from time to time and it scares me. It scares me to know that I'm just a couple prideful leaps away from an arrogance that is disgustingly rancid and of worth to no one or nothing.
Instead of making younger believers nervous, I belief that knowing and identifing with the struggles that we all share becomes a comfort. These same struggles become common ground upon which we are able to know one another, help one another and ultimately help one another heal. We're all failed, fallen creatures regardless of the fronts we decide to hide behind. Why not redirect that wasted energy of image projection into the building of brigdes to other fallen failures?
This is about broken hearts
This is about me
Bending again for nothing
I'd run to you but pain awaits
I'm coming home
But I'll be late
No deeper than imagination can be
Sight with nothing to see
What's faith if I can't believe
It's everything
A cure, but I make it a disease
God take me because I hate me
--Underoath
The trip was to be the longest of the year for us as a club and was pretty uneventful up until game time. We had stopped at Piccadilly on the way down for our pre-game meal and apparently the spaghetti didn't agree with me, because as I began to suit up to play, I was feeling it. I probably wouldn't even think of what happened next, safe for the fact that the Town Talk saw fit to send a reporter with us to chronicle every minute detail of the journey and game.
I told the coach that I wasn't feeling so hot and apparently honesty was not the best policy in retrospect. I had no intentions of missing this game regardless of my condition, but the staff quickly lost it. Among the things that I was told later, was to stop acting so sick...I was making the younger players nervous.
I say this to preface the fact that I think the faith shouldn't be this way. Some folks have said some very nice things about me and may look at me as a leader or whatever, but I want everyone to know that I'm a screw up. I'm very willing to share the mistakes in my life, if I thought that it'd help somebody. I don't believe in hiding what I feel, if anyone earnestly want's to know. I've never intended this for harm, but only to help and to heal.
All too often, in my opinion, we've got folks in leadership, or teaching, or whatever who feel that they've got to put on this front that points to a faith that's rock solid, unwavering and impervious to doubt. I don't know if this is all listener perceived or if the reality of this actually exist for others, but I know that I've felt it. I've felt this way from time to time and it scares me. It scares me to know that I'm just a couple prideful leaps away from an arrogance that is disgustingly rancid and of worth to no one or nothing.
Instead of making younger believers nervous, I belief that knowing and identifing with the struggles that we all share becomes a comfort. These same struggles become common ground upon which we are able to know one another, help one another and ultimately help one another heal. We're all failed, fallen creatures regardless of the fronts we decide to hide behind. Why not redirect that wasted energy of image projection into the building of brigdes to other fallen failures?
This is about broken hearts
This is about me
Bending again for nothing
I'd run to you but pain awaits
I'm coming home
But I'll be late
No deeper than imagination can be
Sight with nothing to see
What's faith if I can't believe
It's everything
A cure, but I make it a disease
God take me because I hate me
--Underoath
posted by lee at 3:14 AM
2 Comments:
Yes, we can be examples of how to get in touch with brokeness by being in touch with our brokeness. Why not be authentic? Right? Yes, we when are honest with what is going on inside us to one another we find comfort and heal. That is what makes AA so incredible For the first time people are owning their wounds publically and not attempting to hide or diguise their fears.
Right on brother.
God's peace,
Rick
Lee-
A thought to ponder - whenever a finger is pointed the other four are towards the sender. As leaders and teachers of the faith we need to protray this to our audience not in shame but as a teaching tool to show the way. Everyday should be a growing experience in maturity when we stop our influence also ends. As social beings, in secular history we are supposed to learn from others successes and failures why not in our spiritual lives? I guess because it really hasn't happened, has it? Jiggy
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