Marching Forward on Bloody Stumps

I was reading about a pastor that I had just met and how he described his greatest disadvantage as not knowing what he was doing. That blew me away. I'd heard him preach. I watched him worship. I've studied his words and deeds. He never let on as if he wasn't fully aware of what he was doing or what God had called him to do.

He also goes on to say how he's only been able to write with authority, because he's found a lot of the land mines associated with this particular type of ministry...usually by stepping on them. I could only hope for you to be able to imagine how liberating these admissions are. This particular guy is one that I admire and it gives me great hope to hear of the struggles. I feel that I'm more inspired by the struggle than the success.

Often times a guess that we gaze upon the success of others, or maybe even or own, and forget the broken eggs it took to make the omelet. Maybe it's that our tents are bent on momentum and that can be swung just as quickly from being on a positive roll to leading down a slippery slope. I'm on the slope now.

I don't want this to turn into bitch, moan and whine session, but I feel that I'm prone to that from time to time. For those of you who've endured, thanks and for those of you who've just tuned in, consider yourselves lucky. I'm really a decent guy, I just sometimes wish that I'd never awoken from my spiritual slumber.

For those of you new to the game, repeat after me:

SLEEP/EAT/WORK/SLEEP X 6
SLEEP/EAT/SPEND TIME W/LIKE DRESSED REPEATING MEANINGLESS WORDS/SLEEP

REPEAT CYCLE

Depending on the level of sleep/awakeness you can actually participate in the following:

1) Wonder how in the world the guy sitting next to you could possible be saved wearing a Guinness T
2) Be more spiritual than the pastor by proclaiming greater knowledge on the days scripture
3) Talk about what's for lunch during the offertory
4) Stick your spouse in the ribs when the good points of the sermon pertain especially to them
5) Actually consider the implications of the Ebenezer stone you just sang about
6) Walk away from the liturgy with something of substance other than middle english
7) Close the doors behind you and see a broken and decaying world
8) See a broken/decaying world and actually feel despair
9) Feel despair over a broken/decaying world and want to take action
10) Wheel back around and realize the broken/decaying liturgy through which you just sat

I have absolutely NO idea as to where to go from here. NONE. NATTA. NIL. NOTHING. Remembering the model I had just witnessed and how it was birthed through ignorance and stumbling upon land mines gives comfort.

So, I guess that in all of this we are to march onward. Onward and upward, hunh? I just never thought that it'd be on the bloody stumps I'm left with instead of the legs with which we once were proudly carried into this mine field.

So much easier to sleep...zzz...no worries...zzz...no problems...zzz...no conviction...zzz...