Thursday, September 29, 2005

Sporting Truth

The temptation seems to be to wrap everything & everyone in the very protective covering of the christian banner rather than to allow the role of redemption it's due process by submersion under the blood. The line is razor fine in places & has the heinous capacity to cut to the quick when we least expect it to. It's a perilous high-wire act, where those who dare, find empty air on either side when balance is abandoned.

A talk w/a good friend once said that often, some give in to the temptation to call anything sin, legalism. I'm afraid that I have to agree. I would also add that others give grace a bad name & make me feel dirty when immersed in it I go.

Today brings me to look anew at it all. To try once again to dismantle the trainwreck that is moderation. I find my thoughts not based in scripture however, but in SI of all places.

Truth is where you find it I suppose.



Half the Size, Twice the Man
by Rick Reilly

You think you've seen refs as blind as newborn moles? You think you've seen officials make bizarre calls? You've seen zebras who are as boneheaded as a box of hammers?

Well, you ain't seen blind, bizarre and boneheaded until you've seen this.

It's halftime of a game in Dayton on Sept. 16 -- Colonel White High against Mount Healthy. After Colonel White leaves the locker room, the refs approach the coaches on the sideline. Crew chief Dennis Daly announces, "Number 99 cannot play in this game anymore. He's not wearing shoes, knee pads or thigh pads."

Head coach Earl White just stares at him.

"But he doesn't have any legs!" White says.

"Sorry," Daly says. "It's the rule."

Number 99 is senior Bobby Martin, backup noseguard, a starter on punt coverage and a kid, yes, born without legs.

Doesn't slow him down much. He runs on his hands about as quickly as his teammates do on their feet. Strong as a John Deere in the chest and arms, he benches 215 and will wrestle for the varsity this winter. Wants to go out for track in the spring in the shot put. And now they were telling him he couldn't play without shoes?

"I didn't get it," says Bobby, 17. "The ref could look at me and see I don't have feet or knees. How can I wear shoes if I don't have feet?"

"A rule is a rule," Daly said. Bobby was disconsolate as he sat on the sidelines and Colonel White lost 41-12.

How can you throw a legless kid out of a game for not wearing shoes? Can you throw an armless kid out for not wearing wristbands? And even if he were suddenly to produce shoes and knee and thigh pads, where was Bobby supposed to wear them? From his ears?

In fact, Bobby did borrow a pair of cleats and came out during the third quarter with them tied to his belt. You want me to wear shoes, I'm wearing shoes. But the school's athletic director, Carolyn Woodley, took them off, telling him that it was "undignified." Though, by the refs' own black-and-white logic, it should've worked. Where is it written that the shoes have to be worn on the feet?

Is there anything worse than a whistle-worshiping, self-important stiff who can't see past his precious rule book to the situation that stands in front of him? Even if that "situation" is a kid who stands about three feet tall and weighs 112 pounds, 101 of it heart?

Wait. I take that back. The only thing worse is talk-radio goofs like Cincinnati's Andy Furman, who told his listeners the whole thing was "a charade and a freak show."

"The rule says you have to wear shoes and pads, period," Furman told me. "He can't play. He's handicapped. There's certain things handicapped people can't and shouldn't do, and one of them is play football. Would you put Stevie Wonder behind the wheel of a car? No! Who in their right mind would put this kid out there?"

Hey, Andy, you've got to cut back on the glue sniffing.

It'd be nice if any of these people actually took five minutes to get to know Bobby Martin before deciding what he can and can't do with his life.

He bowls, dances and does flips and cartwheels. He flies off staircases on his custom-made skateboard. He weaves down the hall between classes on it doing one-handed handstands. He built his own computer, ground up. He's the guy you go to when your car stereo won't work. Your car, too, for that matter.

Whatever he lacks in height, he makes up for in humor. The other day, one of the coaches, who happens to be missing a front tooth, told the players, "O.K., everybody take a knee. Even you, Bobby."

To which Bobby cracked back, "Sure, coach. Right after you go and visit an orthodontist."

But along come knee-jerk Barney Fifes like Furman and Daly (who didn't respond to my interview request) who decide it's their place to put a leash on the kid.

"The ref said they were doing it for his safety," Coach White says. White tried to explain that Bobby had passed his physical and already had clearance to play from his doctors. But the referees kept saying, "We can show you the rule." White took his broken-up player aside and said, "Don't worry about this. You'll be back playing next week."

He was right. On Sept. 19 the Ohio High School Athletic Association said the officials were wrong and sent White a letter, which he'll keep in his back pocket, just in case. Furman should get a copy, too, for his cave.

Everything was back to normal last weekend. Bobby Martin was happy again, back playing without shoes. And official Dennis Daly and his crew were back reffing, without brains.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

In Saint's Clothing

I held her tight as if she would fall through my arms. I cherished every moment as if it may be our last. Breathing in every smack, sneeze & yawn. Trying not to laugh when her startle reflex would trigger, throwing her tiny arms wildly into space. I studied the furrow of her brow & told myself that all was right when she would occasionally smile, however brief or fleeting the moment.

I laid her back on my flexed thighs to continue the process, but couldn't clear my mind of the night before. The night I saw his baby from 10 ft, lying in a box, destined for the dirt. The night I was introduced as a friend of his sister, who just so happened to be the father of a baby born the day after his died. The walk up the aisle that proceeded this meeting was filled w/begging Him to allow me to keep shut what needed to be kept shut & to open what needed to be opened.

I think that I failed...

this is lee...he's the pharmacist i work w/at baptist

nice to meet you

yeah, i wish that it could've been under different circumstances...of course

he has a baby that was born, when Laura died

hands extend...we shake

i feel like we've just swapped angels here

congratulations

thanks

i'm sorry

I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at LJ the same again. I thought that I knew, but maybe I was just fooling myself. The only thing I own is the honor, privilege & associated memories/experiences. That's it.

The rest are not mine to be expected as rights. I'm blessed & shouldn't be. I'm a hypocrite in saint's clothing.

I pray I never forget that.

Somehow I know I never will.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Lagnape

Nothing like spending 59 hrs inside 2 rooms without the warmth of the sun on your face or the wind in your hair. But it was a necessary evil that brought about miraculous results in the form of little LJ...so who am I to complain? After all, it did allow me to catch up on tons of useless tv watching, especially in regards to the type of programming that I normally can't turn away from fast enough.


Even though I was able to feast on hrs on top of hrs of TBN broadcasting, the most profound thing I saw was from the history channel. They had this show called Hell: The Devil's Domain & I was fascinated to say the least. They covered all aspects of hell from a historical standpoint & looked at it from many different denominational & theological perspectives that all could identify w/today. All theology had different variances on the specifics, but the one thing that all had in common was that hell, at it's very primal core is a place where the presence of God is not.


You may now be saying oh yeah Lee, big fat hairy deal dude, tell me something that I didn't know.


Well, ok...give me a sec & I'll try to bring this somewhere...


I recently had this on-going discussion w/a friend about the motivating factors driving obedience. My contention is that although fear may be the beginning of obedience that's ultimately founded in faith, that our intent should not be to stay there. I would that my kids obey me initially out of fear of reaping unwanted consequences, but that 1 day they would mature in relationship w/me & obey out of love. After all, if fear of consequence were the pinnacle in a driving of motivation, the death penalty would be the ultimate deterrent...but, it ain't.


So, to have a healthy view of the gospel & of the glory of the kingdom that we are saved to, we need a balanced, healthy view of it all. To say that we're saved from hell, damnation, fire, brimstone, whatever isn't broad enough a picture. Sure all of these things suck to say the least, but I would still contend that they are not enough, just as I would say our vision of heaven sitting on a cloud plucking a harp isn't enough.


If hell at it's very core is the lack of the presence of God it is the very antithesis of heaven.


Again you may be saying duh! But think about it...


If you're like me you've heard/seen plenty of folks that like to play up fear of the fire & bring it on w/the brimstone & all the fixin's, but to do this isn't enough. Because fear of this perhaps isn't enough. Fear of consequence hasn't been/won't ever be enough. To boil the gospel down to this is narrow-minded at best & criminal at worst.


To let Love rule IS to let fear have it's say. Fear of the right thing. The lack of God & His presence...

All else is lagnape...

New Edition

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Velvet Elvis

Do your faith a favor & get this book...


Zach's w/me..

Christian Eyes Only


Hey, check it...my propensity for deep spiritual insight has led me to the discovery of a new spot in hell. I found it lies right between telemarketers & serial child rapists. It's newly created, extra hot & reserved especially for spammers!

Guess I shouldn't bitch to much...

In our never-ending search for the redemption of all things by simple putting the word 'christian' in front of it, this is certainly a 1st...christian spammers! Redeeming & reclaiming the great big cyber world for Jesus, 1 annoying spam @ a time!

Look:


From:
Matt and Crystal Kehn
Add to Address Book
Date:
2005/09/22 Thu PM 12:44:30 EDT
To:
lee@deathway.com
Subject:
[necrotic matriculation] 9/22/2005 11:42:13 AM

It looks like you have a nice blog. CHECK OUT my site at kehnsJAM! God bless you and your ministry.

Spam on Jesus lovers...

This is your christian host, who just so happens to be a christian pharmacist, signing off for now on his christian computer by typing on his totally rad & redeemed christian keyboard while sitting in his holy christian chair...christian etc., christian etc., christian etc...

christian p. christian s.: Only christian comments comments please! I'm w(holy) too lazy to discern anything but...

Sweet Lani J


This song played while I was at work, about 24 hrs out from Lani J's arrival. I've never heard it before, but it meant a lot & I just wanted to put it somewhere so I could remember it later. Apparently I need to pick up 14 Shades of Grey...

Well I want you to notice
To notice when I'm not around
And I know that your eyes see straight through me
And speak to me without a sound

I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all of the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter

When I walked out this morning
I cried as I walked to the door
I cried about how long I'd be away for
I cried about leaving you all alone

So I wanted to say this
Cuz I wouldn't know where to begin
To explain to you what I have been through
To explain where your daddy has been

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I Know the Gardner


In 48 hrs I get to see You come again. You've come to me in several different ways & circumstances, but none more stunning than this. Your beauty has no grander stage than this that I've been able to see.

Great anticipation has preceded the pageantry. The pains experienced herald your immanent arrival. Through great sacrifice this moment has been made possible & total renewal arrives only after the release of blood & water.

The first glimpses still quicken my very soul. I'm redeemed as You recapture my heart. I re-evaluate, rededicate & re-appraise my life as all temporal entanglements fall below the floor.

I swallow hard the joy that floods my soul & waters my eyes. The brush of angel wings push my spiritual groanings starward, as words fail me. I bow & realize that I should remove my shoes, for this is certainly holy ground.

You breathe your first as the soul set for you from before time takes up residence. I feel it's weight and realize that I'll carry it to time's end. My privilege...my honor.

Welcome to existence. We tarry here but for a while, so don't ever get too comfortable...well, maybe just tonight. Thank You for coming...

You saved me...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Feted

My little brother turns 21 today. What a misnomer. Dude can eat soup off of my head...little brother indeed.

His potential is boundless & I know that he belongs to a future decorated w/greatness. I'd like to think that I played some part in his progression, but have to readily admit that 2 irons are sharper now. Growth & development was not a solo performance where 1 played/the other lead, but a duet birthed through a synergy the likes of which I've never known before. I count myself blessed just to have been here to hear the tune.

We haven't always seen eye to eye & I guess that's to be expected...remember the soup? Strength still is forged in our differences as well as our agreements. This allows me to know that this is real.

He stands to make many proud 1 day soon, as if he hasn't already. He's already beyond whatever I never dreamt about being at that age. Too many hog troughs for me in those days.

I can't wait to see what's in store. Today I celebrate his birthday, with an eye towards many to come. Tomorrow a future awaits abounding w/possiblity...

Happy b-day jb!

Monday, September 19, 2005

Spiritual Daredevil


Cam & read comics. Well, I read them, he listens & then he re-enacts the actions w/his action figures. To date we've read over 1000 books & have managed to cover the essentials from the 1st editions of Spider-Man, Daredevil & the Hulk.

Lately we've been reading a mini-arc of 5 books that pit the Punisher vs. the Daredevil. I've never really been a confrontational type, but for some reason I've always liked reading about it, especially when it comes to fantasy & the confrontations between immovable objects & irresistible forces. I believe ol' Cam shares the same sentiments as his old man.

The interesting thing about this story is that it parallels some things that I've turned over in my mind as of late. At the core is justice & the dispensing thereof. Punisher & Daredevil both have ideals for the redemption of Hell's Kitchen, but are on paths that put them diametrically opposite each other & on a collision course of inevitability. Odd how 2 can have the same goal, but have paths that lead them contrary to the other forming perpendiculars rather than parallels.

For those of you not familiar, I'll give you the quick & dirty. Punisher is a vigilante, whose sole purpose in life is to be the 1 in charge of dispensing punishment at his own discretion of whom he deems to be in the wrong. DD also longs for justice, but tends to allow the system to attempt to serve it's purpose in the role of judge & the deliverer of sentencing. Guess that this is only right 'cause you see, as DD can't, his secret identity is Matt Murdock, public defender who just happens to be blind.

DD has just as much, if not more, ability to play the same role as the Punisher, but yet choices to yield to something bigger than himself. He fights & longs for the same things, noble things, great things, yet knows his role & controls the very fleshy longing for his own sense of justice. Reminds me of the ideal of meekness that I once heard to describe another. Not 1 of being weak, but rather submissive.

I know that we all long for redemption. Birthing pains abound, but yet that calls all the more for proper constraint. My flesh longs to where the black shirt w/the skull. My spirit is quickened to be a Daredevil...

Sunday, September 18, 2005

AN IMPORTANT LESSON FROM ALBERT ELLIS

"Woe to all of you moral police, to all of you guilt motivators, and to all of you so called Christians who put heavy burdens upon God's people. Woe to you who try to take the Holy Spirit's place in the life of the believer and project your own neurosis and guilt upon them and try to make them like you. You think you are doing the Lord's work but you contribute to a person's misery and bring death unlike Christ who came to bring life. You are so concerned about your definition of "holiness" and about people's dress, clothing, language, and other external factors that you miss the heart of the gospel. Look at you, look at how unhappy you are. Where is your joy? The only joy you get is when you point out flaws in other people to make yourself feel better. Maybe Christ, in today's language, would call you a bunch of hypocritical bastards. A bunch of assholes whose father is the devil."

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Nowhere


Amy has plans for speeding up the arrival of Lani J. I'm not so sure that it'll help, but I'm here to support either way. So, today we walk. The morning air is nice (around 77 degrees) & I don't think I even broke a sweat. Unusual especially for Florida in September.

Afterwards we sit in the front yard while the girls play w/their strollers in the drive. We don't even speak much, just enjoy the moment & the silence. The awning's edge from the garage provides ample shade & a nice breeze blows.

I'd be a liar if I tried to say that I wasn't in possession of some sort of anxiety of the future, but I swallow it back down in small gulps & prayers set a drift that bring me peace about it. I've always been an all or none kind of guy & I guess that that's why Christianity has proven to be so difficult for me from time to time. Resting in uncertainty & unclarity is the name of the game from time to time & even the smallest hint of not knowing undoes me occasionally.

What I learn is something that I should have always known. Pride tries to undo the done brought about in lessons of simplicity. 1 step forward...2 back.

Understanding the connectiveness of our existence. Learning to wait. Allowing the supernatural to direct the natural.

We all await the birthing of the kingdom. Some in different ways than others. Some more excellently than others. So we walk.

We await the birthing of little Lani J & find the waiting to not be much different. We do things in anticipation of the arrival. We do things to speed the process, thought to be in the best interest of the 1 to come. We do some things that are more excellent to be done than others. So we walk.

Irregardless to our efforts, our results remain the same. Dependent on the unseen, who calls us into ultimate trust. So we walk.

The process remains mystery & mystery requires faith. So we walk, physically getting nowhere while traveling eons. Nobody guiding us nowhere...& learning to trust every minute of it.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Nobody Knows

i was on a street with a common name i prayed for love yeah i even begged i had a vision of you that carried me through

I'm not really sure what it is that drives 1 to question the heart, love, spirit, desire, etc. of another. As if they can peer into a place that is holy sacred & meant for unearthly eyes. Is this the pinnacle of arrogance or ignorance?

and nobody really knows what i would do for you nobody really knows how much i love you nobody really knows, nobody knows nobody knows, nobody knows

Is it the earnest desire to know or the puffed up longing to be known. To let those in question know that their way is divine alone. That their favor is found acceptable & hints of anything to the contrary are not to be tolerated.

i cleared my mind and i turned around grateful to the one who had laid me down i was silent in love pourin down from above

The vertical flow of this thing called love is nothing short of pure, unadulterated bliss. While that of the horizontal makings are all too often not even close enough to be called a near miss. How disappointing...

like so much rain it fell and pierced my brains the trees all alive with their colors like the dreams of man i had a vision of you that carried me through

If I've learned nothing else, it's this...vision is a tricky thing. Those whom are in possession of 1 have a wonderfully odd & possibly dangerous thing. Those who don't are left scratching their heads at best & firing the cannons at worst.

and nobody really knows what i would do for you now nobody really knows how much i love you baby nobody really knows, nobody knows nobody knows, nobody knows

Nobody has set vision ablaze within this fleshy heart that was once stone. Nobody understands the yeilding smoke that rises from it. I guess that that's all that matters...that Nobody knows, Nobody knows...


Friday, September 09, 2005

Perfection


"Being perfect is not about that scoreboard out there. It's not about winning. It's about you & your relationship w/yourself, your family & your friends. Being perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye & know that you didn't let them down because you told them the truth. And that truth is you did everything you could. There's not one more thing you could have done. Can you live in that moment as best you can, with clear eyes and love in your heart--w/joy in your heart? If you can do that, gentlemen, you're perfect."

--Permian Odessa (Texas) coach Gary Gaines, played by Billy Bob Thornton, in "Friday Night Lights" (2004)

I remember leaving the theater not thinking much about football. The remembrance of it even now allows air to rush back in over stoked embers. The longing for perfection founded in truth is lofty & daunting to say the least, but drives all the same.

Thank God we're not left alone in this, for He's there through every moutaintop & valley. The stands are filled w/a mighty host of witnesses urging us on too. Only our disillusionment allows for us to loose sight of it all.

A toll is taken all the while punishment is taken & given. Through it all we aren't to loose sight or hope. The struggle forces some to the sidelines or worst yet, out of the stadium. Eyes unclear...

"I don't describe faith as an influence in my life--faith is life. I don't think it's fair to describe faith as having a role {in my life}," he says. "It kind of limits the character of faith & the relevance of faith. It's all encompassing; it's submitting yourself to a divine being. You can't see the function of that belief. It's kind of logically awkward. So when you're doing that, it kind of disrupts everything about your life."

--Sufjan Stevens in Relevant Sept/Oct 2005

13We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. 16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 17In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. 18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Katrina Benefit Show

We here @ ol' DW are in the beginning stages of putting together a show to benefit those left in the wake of Katrina. I spent the nite brainstorming & came up w/the following...

Looks like somewhere in the week starting October 23rd might would work best for us, in regards to band availability & to give enough time to promote...

Here's a list of probables...let me know what ya' think...

























any other ideas, including but certainly not limited to, promotion, venue, ticket printing & pricing, etc., etc. would be greatly appreciated!

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

You Too Will Die

1About that time some people came up and told him about the Galileans Pilate had killed while they were at worship, mixing their blood with the blood of the sacrifices on the altar. 2Jesus responded, "Do you think those murdered Galileans were worse sinners than all other Galileans? 3Not at all. Unless you turn to God, you too will die. 4And those eighteen in Jerusalem the other day, the ones crushed and killed when the Tower of Siloam collapsed and fell on them, do you think they were worse citizens than all other Jerusalemites? 5Not at all. Unless you turn to God, you too will die."


How quickly I forget. I must have some form of spiritual ADHD. By my last & very unofficial count, I've sat through over 1700 Sunday services & yet, I continue struggle. To know His will, to hear His voice, to surrender completely, to allow the flesh it's complete & daily death...

I guess that's why the regular gatherings are so important, dare I say essential to a vibrant relationship. I can't do without the constant reminders of truth I hold dear, yet allow to evade me from time to time. Varying degrees of perspective allow me to remain grounded, well rounded & in a constant state of evaluation of the very fabric that is my personal faith.

It just seems way too easy for me to slip into the mindset of entitlement. The idea that I'm owed this or that just doesn't gee-haw with the gospel & I forget this on quite a regular basis. In spite of all this, I'm still loved.

So now my prayer is that I'll find comfort in a place of static tension. Toeing the wire remains difficult & can be pretty damn scary from time to time, but knowing that my fall will end in a safety net of unbelievable dimension helps. Cognizance of pitfalls isn't a full-proof prophylactic measure, but it sure helps.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

I Wonder


Lately I feel like the dude in the joke that reaches heaven & asks God why He didn't save him from this particular flood that claimed his life. It's at this point that God tells the man that he had sent numerous folks his way to 'save' him, yet each time he turned them away saying that his God was going to do that. I thought about this a lot lately & well, I can't say that I've been able to think of much else.

Katrina, as a near miss, has been able to do what many storms, that were actual hits, over the past 10 yrs have not...question just what the hell it is I'm doing here. I'm by no means on the water, but after seeing the aftermath to my neighbors to the west, I'm coming to realize that that's of little consolation in times like these. I seek for His voice & fear that I'm missing something.

As our city swells w/refugees, gas becomes non-existent & other staples on our store shelves become depleted, I wonder. Is the easiest thing to do the best thing to do or is it the hardest? The simplicity of going to work or picking Cam up from school has now become a logistic nightmare & quite possible an impossibility.

Don't get me wrong, I know that I'm blessed beyond believe by comparison & that's not my intent of writing, but I'm just left wondering if I'm wrongly suppressing my urge to run. To just grab up my babies & hit the road & not look back is something that's constantly there for me now & isn't showing signs of going away soon. I don't have much concern for the material things that are here either, I'm just concerned for the family that I'm called to father.

Maybe this is why Paul says that it'd be best for those unmarried to remain so. My culpability seems to have grown exponentially as we've added number, but I can't bear to think of it any other way. I was meant for this.

So what am I to do? Am I to seek the safety in all sensibility that the good Lord has blessed me with or am I to endure the constant threat of doom overhead? I wonder...

god Hates ______...


I guess that it was only a matter of time. From the same people who's god hates everything from Sweden to fags, we've got yet another gem of wisdom to behold. Click the link only if you're seated & have a rather strong constitution.

http://www.godhatesfags.com/featured/20050831_thank-god-for-katrina.html