Please feel free to patronize, ridicule or join me in the search for genuine authenticity in what is hopefully developing into a truly transparent walk.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
S.C. or Bust!
Don't know if you caught the news on abc last nite or not, but apparently there's a group of well-meaning folks headed to South Carolina "to reestablish constitutionally limited government founded upon Christian principles". Eighty or so members have so far aligned themselves w/Christian Exodus (CE) with a goal set for 2,500 members by 9/30/2006. It was hard for me to see anything good in any of this besides their intentions.
If you missed the story you can catch up by checking out:
How can you not look to the sky & wonder why When it seems clear & there is nothing to fear Your box reports that 2 lie dead on the water's edge While others have fun in the sun You have to question the One As to what's been done 'Cause everything's not alright After a lightning strike My faith seems to rest On nothing less Than contradiction Which seems stranger than fiction Especially when the weight of my diction Tips the scales of decision For the unappreciated soul over which I proclaim ownership Rather than allowing the Soul to equip
I love & hate the life that I lead Knowing partially that it's not what I perceive But seeing through the glass dim My hope waxes & then grows slim Never maintaining a consistent state Always convoluting & fluctuates Not directly linked to mood or situation Rather to my spiritual edification
How to build that, not of human hands Like trying to count the granules of sand A seemingly impossible task Leaves 1 gasping & willing to grasp The shell of the being they're supposed to be After all who else can or cares to see All that the Master has made of me When again they can only themselves dimly see
So once again peer to the sky And ask the questions & wonder why Many lie dead by the water's edge Ask them only if you really care to know 'Cause it seems that we all only grow To one day succumb As we quickly grow dumb to why nothing remains right Perhaps our answers await us there...after the lightning strikes
I sat w/a friend on his porch as the storm approached as we wondered aloud. It was a great evening. Doom teetered over our heads & we were able to look up, take a deep breathe & let it all hang out. We held nothing back & just appreciated the eve for what it was. Quite possibly the last that we would be able to spend in this exact manner.
We both dropped our guards long enough to find that we were/are a lot a like. The differences that are very apparent & tend to catergorize & segment us floated away on the night's breeze. I listened hard & spoke soft...hopefully.
Even as a type I long to use descriptives that would automatically give me cred w/some & destroy me w/others. I hate this. It's because the words would denigrate 1 to some & puff 1 (me) to others, or at least to myself in the saying.
I was asked yesterday how you can love one who you've learned to hate. I don't know if I have a good answer, but I do know that it ain't easy & it doesn't happen over night. It's a process, a road, a journey that we embark on one way or the other & that we never really get there. Sure, the miles to the destination become smaller compared to those behind, but they remain ahead...always ahead.
This whole experience has been one that has really been not what I had expected. Are they ever? I stare blankly at this screen now & wonder.
I began to write in search of connection, to get things off my chest, to be heard. Looking back I find that I have connected, gotten stuff off my chest & have been heard. Maybe seeing it in type makes the magic happen. Maybe not, but for whatever reason this has been a great help.
I thank all who've dropped in to read along, but I'm sorry to say that none of this was for you. As pompous or arrogant as this may sound, this happened to be all for me unbeknownst even to myself. I've connected...w/me.
Don't worry, I'm no new-ager or neo-hippy that's found himself. I'm just a dumb ol' redneck from the small sticks of La that finally is beginning to understand God & what He wants of me. Maybe I've just come to a place where I can be comfortable w/out my hands on the wheel.
I still plan to write when I can & would pray that these words would continue to resonate in the souls of those who read. Feel free to join me when/if you like. After all, there are still many miles ahead all the while doom teeters overhead.
I know that He said that He'd never destroy the world again by water, but I know of several that have been severely altered by it with the combination of extreme winds. Call me nuts if you'd like, but I'd even go so far as to say that these worlds have been changed for the better. At least I know that mine has.
It has been a very tumultuous week or so since ol' Dennis roared into to town to say the very least. I sit in the living room of my parents home in Natchitoches, La as I type, far removed from the residual chaos of my Florida home, but am left with the memories of an oddly refreshing time. Those left sweltering in the July heat w/out a/c back home would cry hypocrite at my words, but I hope to explain.
The scene @ Baptist Hospital Sunday morn was a combination Noah's Ark & 1st century church. My usual duties of dropping pills into bags (i.e. pharmacy), were surplanted by a wide variety of activities that focused more acutely & in direct relation to patient care. A surprising change of pace for me.
It started w/my being called on to manage the labor pool desk. Don't worry this had nothing to do w/our labor & delivery dept as my sister 1st thought...thank God. It was all about directing' people/teams to certain tasks such as patient transport, information dessemination & the such.
I wasn't there long until I realized the scope & breadth of the situation. A wide, & I mean WIDE grouping of people were there to do whatever it took to maintain the safety of others & preserve their health. I didn't think much of it until I met a man (sorry to say that I don't remember his name...have I mentioned my innate inability w/names?) & his wife who simply said 'here we are...what can we do?' I later looked at his badge & saw that he is BHC's CFO.
My neighborhood is much the same way. Trees, roofs & fences aren't the only things to be blown away by the storm, as neighbor's ideals of personal space & privacy has gone with the wind as we met in the streets & yards earnestly seeking out need, picking up debris & clearing limbs. Groceries, gas & batteries become communal as they should & burdens are lightened. Food & life are readily dispensed in driveways as hope floods my soul.
Call me crazy, but I thank God for the storms I've had in my life. Through them & out of them I've emerged with a greater sense of what true community is & should be. The temporal nature of 'my' world comes to the fore front of my mind & brings proper perspective. The destruction that remains reminds me of the birthing pains of the new creation to come.
Many emerged from our modern day ark Sunday exhausted & wondering why us...again. I walked through the limbs & rain drops loving life, not knowing if I had a house to go home to. Not knowing would have killed me before, but in the providential perspective of eternity, I left filling oddly refreshed.
I sit alone. The house lies empty sans all the laughter, joy & excitement a family of 5+ w/3, five & under can bring. Dennis looms & I alone remain, having sent Amy w/her mom & my seeds away from here.
Here lies the potential for danger. Here lies the potential for death...destruction at the very least. Here lies the Gospel.
The temporal things of my life are put in perspective in light of destruction. Putting your weeping, ripe w/child 1/2 in a car headed 7 hours away from you has a way of doing that. At times, perspective seems to be nothing...but remains to be everything.
I don't intend to over dramaticize the day. Just record my heart. I'd be lying if I said that I've felt an emptiness that I haven't in quite sometime...at least since Ivan.
Birth pains of the new creation are funny things in the right light
This is insanity.
This is real.
This is Gospel reality.
It's funny how some disconnect life...real life from inconvenience...or dare I say suffering...
The temporal nature of our lives has little to do, if anything w/real Life...
All too often my own words indict the very person I want to be Of this glass house will I ever be free? I walk in blindness & claim to see Oblivious of the Phoenix beset to rise in me
Throwing rocks is always fun Until we turn to see our own house undone Bare, bloody feet shuffling through glass shards Seeing through temporal veils has proven hard
The Eternal abounds outside of our constraints All the while suffering our praises, our patronizing, our complaints His majestic nature to assuredly be revealed although now we just partly see Regret will come through fading sparks of memories
To finally realize that the Eternal abounds within Not confined, restricted or limited by this fleshy den But found coaxing, pleading, leading my immortal to transcend The entangling entrapments not of a reality realized but of one of pretend
We're here but for a while Then it's off to the trial To weigh out if we drank of the atoned Received a heart of flesh or kept the one of stone
While we save ourselves & see about our own The whole of creation aches & groans Awaiting the return of the great Unknown To rattle this existence like a valley of dry bones
So may my words be more than utterances without substance May they speak of 1 not afraid to take a chance To sprint full speed this life-race To not only speak but live, breathe & epitomize this amazing grace
