fleas be jumpin'...

saturday 5/13 7pm @ the venue...



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stay tuned...

this is oh so close to becoming a reality for us...

sat 5/13...

stay tuned...

unrealistically problematic

i've found a new obsession...

it's smallville & i know that i'm a late comer, but i've been totally consumed w/this show. it just so happened to garner my attention when my life seemed to parallel the same emotional pulls that the characters on screen where experiencing. they're beautifully flawed, yet continue to struggle & succeed in making it through the programmed hour in spite of their apparent weaknesses.

they also have to contend w/very supernatural acts that are bigger than themselves, yet endure w/a hope of tomorrow that is unyielding in light of the very checkered past. there's great potential for marvelous deeds to be done as well as very remarkable evil. i love the idea of enormous potentiality birthed thru very broken vessels that often force intense self-evaluation & soul searching.

to put it quite simply...

i'm an addict...

seeing relational conflict resolved in constructive as well as deconstructive ways are very therapeutic & realistic to me now. i long to embrace the pleasure as well as the pain that always comes w/growth & maturation. the avoidance of such only proves unrealistically problematic for anyone that longs to grow to embrace the very real life that we're called to live.

this show allegorically depicts my life in the present...

a very broken & incomplete man longing to reflect the glory of the supernatural w/nothing but shards of a once majestic mirror in his very bloody hands...

hoping beyond all hope that the images reflected would capture the gaze of the casual observer rather than the babbling fool trying to hold all the pieces together...

unrealistically problematic @ best w/out the intervention of something much grandeur & loftier than all i could ever hope to be...

all the while singing...

somebody save me

i don't care how you do it

just stay

stay

come on

i've been waiting for you

i'm alive...!?!

the rumors of my demise are greatly exaggerated...

i've really been busy w/a lot of stuff as well as everybody else i'm sure...

i'm wearing a bunch of different hats lately, but i wouldn't trade my life for all the tea in china...

that's really sayin' something, 'cause if you know anything about me, you know that i love me some tea & have been known to drink my body weight in it...

lately i've been sifted, stirred, shaken & really discombobulated, but have no fear...

i'm emerging a more confident, resilient, co-conspirator than ever before...

maybe i'll be able to relay some of these past happenings 1 day when i can sort through them all & place the proper weight to each...

suffice it all to say that i'm probably the most blessed man walking the planet today that you'd never know...

i'm cool w/that...

i don't really want you to know or see me anyways...

just know & see the almighty that pushes & sustains me...

in other news...

we've got big plans...

4/13 we're hosting north of here & the listening @ the venue to be followed by...

4/21 manchester orchestra & arkitekt ...

needless to say that the 4/13 show has had my stomach tied in knots, but i'm about over that & am ready to see great things happen through & in spite of all my idiotic worries...

finish the yard...

While he was raking leaves one day, a neighbor asked, “If you knew for certain that Christ Himself were coming back in a half-hour, what would you do?”

St. Francis replied, “I’d finish raking the yard.”

trapped insided my memory

i just love me some joseph arthur...

here's some lyrics from his song favorite girl...

And if salvation only comes when you fall
Oh lord
It's so hard for me to believe
Oh lord
I'm still waiting for you to call
Oh lord
Trapped inside my memory
Oh lord

i'm thinking now on the movie daredevil & how it's expressed thru dialogue that we can't allow our memories to kill us. it kinda sounded cliche' & cheesy @ the time, but i believe that there's a lot of truth in that. our present, or at least the perspective of it is all too often skewed by our past whether that be a good or a bad thing.

lately, i've been dealing w/some pretty heavy lifting, of which i'm not really sure that i'll ever be able to share out loud, but suffice it to say that i had some very wrong-headed ideologies that should have been jetisoned some time ago, but were still very deeply rooted in who i am as a person. this doesn't necessarily make me a piece of garbage, just a human being that was meant for something more that got bogged down in the travails of growth & development. this still didn't give me liberty to act in a way contrary to my calling, but simply served as a reminder as to just how broken we are & just how much we are in need of a savior to make us whole again.

life is hard...

we were never designed to make this trip on our own...

our memories may indeed enslave us to an unrealistic reality thru which we were never intended to view this amazing existence, but that doesn't relegate us to misery. there's a savior that waits in the wings of our time to save us. there are personal savior's w/in our own time here as well.

open up your eyes...

your release awaits...

today is the day...

save me

i ingested christ last nite.

we had communion & i haven't been able to think much on anything else. i remember pondering heavily the events of my life the moments that led up to the taking of the cup & bread. i considered not participating, just because of the seriousness of doing so in an unworthy manner.

i proceeded w/caution & now reflect on the importance of the act as the only thing that can save me. i've taken my portion from the table for some 28 yrs now & i don't think that it's ever been this significant to me before. sad, i know.

you see, i guess that i'm like a lot of folks that commit wrongs...

i beg, seek & strive for forgiveness...

i want to be made whole again & be wholly accepted again...

to be made warm & snuggly in the awesome embrace of the mighty arms of my father...

i know that he does so whenever i ask it...

it's just that...

i'm not always as ready to forget...

the past, my failures, my screwups, my ignorant motives...

i know that he forgives & accepts...

i'm just not so sold on myself...

when it comes to myself...

so,

as i felt the bread in my mouth & experienced the wine down my throat...

i prayed that it truly be the flesh & blood of christ...

the only thing that can save me from me...

my heart has belonged to the king for some time now...

my head, flesh & bones remain a different story...

save me...

i don't care how you do it...

save me...

from me...