Please feel free to patronize, ridicule or join me in the search for genuine authenticity in what is hopefully developing into a truly transparent walk.
Monday, September 27, 2004
Mirror, mirror
I’ve heard this life called many things, but I don’t know if I’ve ever heard it called image reflection. I mean, I know that we’ve all heard the cliches’ of how image is everything and other rambles that are to bring about deep, inner reflection, but to combine the two was something that was very foreign to me until just recently. Don’t fret, this isn’t a rant on the man in the glass, or how we should remove lumber from our own eye before plucking at splinters in the eyes of others, it’s just an idea that I propose in this market place of free thought exchange. An idea whose time has come in my own life and just maybe has come in yours. A part of me died just recently and I just thought that, if privy to the eulogy, you might just want a part of you to die too.
How is it that we’ve come to this? How is it that we characterize and even justify our behavior on the whole with attributes best left in the animal kingdom? Anyone ever hear or use the phrases, dog eat dog or monkey see, monkey do? {insert nervous laughter here…} Of course, we all have heard or used these sayings, but when did we actually buy into them? When did we subversively subject ourselves to standards held for the beasts of the earth, instead of those held for the stewards of every living thing on the earth? Have we forgotten who we are? Have we forgotten our place and to whom we belong? How have we lost our way and how do we get back?
I propose that some reflection be in order here. I’m not talking about the deep inner kind of reflection some would say is necessary to "heal ourselves", because I’m not convinced that we have the capabilities. That supposes that there is or was something inherently good there, down deep inside and I’m not sold on that either. If that were the case, how do you explain the Hitler’s, Manson’s or Hussein’s of the world? If we’ve got the goods that it takes to lift us up by our own bootstraps, why are some bent on choking the life out of the helpless with those same straps? I’ve heard it said that there are none worthy, no not one and I can more readily belief it.
Neither do I recommend reflecting the same grief that we get from the world or from our fellow man. Even when done with the intention of performing good or good deeds, we maim, injure, ravage and sometimes destroy our friends and neighbors in the process. Reflections of this type only perpetuates the behavior and escalates the rate of destruction. Oh, but that is not the way my friends. The golden rule now states to do unto others before they have the opportunity to do unto you and boy do we ever. Even if we are chastened, or more likely, not the first to be able to "get at or back at" our others, we don’t forget. We store that wrong away for a rainy day and make use of it when it best suites us and when the others lest expect it.
We even reflect wrong in our trying to do right. How can this be? How can we be the arm of the Almighty and reflect the non-mighty? How can we represent the incorruptible and reflect corruption? It is very strange in deed, but very true. When we attempt to correct and do so in the flesh that is slow to hear, quick to speak and especially quick to anger it can and does happen without us even realizing it.
So what are we to do? How are we to not eat dog or monkey do after definitely being eaten by the dog or seeing the monkey? What type of reflection are we to attain? I guess that after all this, one cliché’ mentioned before is true, that image is everything. Hebrews tells us that Christ is the exact imprint or reflection of God and that we can have no clearer view of God than by looking at Christ.
His image is everything. He gave you and me a mirror and now we have a choice. Are we going the way of Cain and reflect the image that’s wronged or hurt us or do we reflect His image. Are we going to reflect the desire of the flesh in correction of our peers or are we to reflect His image that corrects in love. The flesh that once held my mirror died recently and I hope that it remains below. My mirror reflects His radiance and is held with spiritual hands that are of worth only because He made them so. What’s holding your mirror?
Why is it that when we genuinely have a mess on our hands that we often times just pretend that it isn’t there in hopes that it goes away? Is it because it takes work to deal with it or do we fail to recognize it all together? I’m not sure which is the greater evil. Both are equally wrong, but at least there might be a sliver of hope if the later is true.
Whether we want to realize it or not the world has a perception of His people, i.e. the church, as a bunch of folks, who at the very least live there lives governed by a long list of do’s and don’ts, with a much greater emphasis on the don’ts. I’m afraid that the majority of us haven’t given much reason to believe otherwise. When this is the main thing that is realized when examining God’s people we definitely have a major mess on our hands.
The problem of legalized christianity is not a new one, for it has been with us since the beginning. It is definitely a distortion of what true christianity is and maybe the biggest turn-off for non-believers. I can’t say that I can really blame them when presented with list of don’ts to live by. What kind of god is it whose favor is earned by my good behavior anyway? This is definitely not a god that I would want any part of and there is no way that we can blame the world for coming to the same conclusions.
Maybe the problem isn’t so much legalized christianity these days as it was in the start, but a newer version of it. It has taken a more subversive route through the back door of our churches, Sunday school rooms and prayer closets. It leaves nothing but death in it’s wake and is a respecter of no believer. It rots from the inside out and has no redeeming qualities. It converts and perverts all that we intend for good, making it nothing more than a rabbit’s foot or a magic 8-ball.
The problem is that we are inherently creatures of habit. We are very quick and adept at following routines to the point of losing the original intent. This new menace makes its presence unknown until it’s too late. We begin to follow ritual without examining our true motives. How hard is it to be truly honest, even with ourselves? Sometimes very. With wrong motive good easily becomes bad right under our noses. Preaching becomes a chore, teaching a bother, keeping nursery a nuisance and our quite time a farce without so much as even a fight.
Legalism creeps in on us all. We make deals with God and tell ourselves otherwise. We figure that He owes us one when we read our bible daily or never miss a service or prayer for longer than 5 minutes. We feel like we’re doing Him a favor when we spend some quite time with Him or any other act in His name. When we do these things we don’t please Him and we ultimately rob ourselves of Him. When our hearts are not right and in tune He takes no pleasure in any amount of sacrifice. Let’s not kid nor fool ourselves.
How would those closest to you describe your Christianity? Do they think you live so that God will accept you or do they know that you live because God has accepted you in Christ? This is true christianity. This is illegalized believe. Who else wants to become an illegalized christian?
Feelings are a funny thing. They are seemingly in a constant state of flux, yet can often appear deeply rooted in a bedrock of who we are that would give us the impression that they would never, ever change. I guess that it is true that the only constant in life is change.
Looking back on the journey that I began some thirty plus years ago, I recall two relationships that I find myself examining from time to time. It is with these two relationships that I find great similarity and great diversion, great joy and great pain and most of all have learned a great deal and learned very little in comparison to the vastness of the walk. One of said experiences has since come to an end, while the other has continued to blossom and grow into something that I never would have expected. It now stands in stark contrast to how it looked in the beginning and it is in this beginning where the similarities are found with the now ended relationship.
You see, Sean was a childhood friend. One of my best buds in those all too awkward teen years where you’re never too sure of who you are and who you want to be. We shared a common bond of quirkiness that enabled us to confide in each other when no one else seemed to have a clue. We could be ourselves with each other and at that stage of the game it was a great comfort to us. We laughed at jokes that only we knew the punch lines to and didn’t care if no one else was laughing with us. I thought that it’d be that way forever or at least for the rest of our lives. I was wrong, dead wrong.
Sean and I started to drift apart by the time graduation came along. The fact that I was going to walk and he was not due to a reason long forgotten was the beginning of the end. When college came, we were complete strangers to each other. I had my fraternity brothers and a new circle of friends of which he was not found. I lost track and for some sad reason I didn’t even care. How this could be still puzzles me as I search my emotional past for some long forgotten clues. Even sadder could be the way that our same relationship that we once shared and found comforting in our awkward adolescence was an embarrassment in front of my new and improved friends.
The other relationship is inversely proportional to the one Sean and I had. It has matured to a point now that I don’t know how I ever managed otherwise. I’ve now found the same comfort in confiding all my problems and awkwardness as before, but to an even greater degree. This new found friend is one unlike any other. It wasn’t always this fulfilling a relationship as it is now though. You see, the thing about an inverse proportion is that compared to something that started big and ended small, it starts small and ends big. What started as comforting and confiding ending in embarrassment, now starts resembling embarrassment and ends with comfort and confiding as the polar opposite.
How can this be? How can two distinctly remarkable relationships, that both carried and carry so much weight in the formation of what I like to call my life, be so diametrically opposed to each other? These and many more questions of the such have haunted me lately and all can be answered in one phrase. Our true feelings are authentically connected to an intimate knowledge of another and only "change" when we lose, forget or suppress that knowledge. This idea is the only thing that brings me comfort in both relationships now. With Sean, I lost an intimacy that we shared in our earlier years that lead to my embarrassment and ultimate rejection of him, which is sad indeed. In the later relationship, I never engaged in the intimate portion of the relationship until we were somewhat further down the road, which helped me understand my "embarrassment" in the beginning. I couldn’t fully accept the depth of the walk with out gaining an innate knowledge of the path. This is especially comforting in light of the other in the later relationship. He is no other than Jesus.
I often wrestled with this because I always heard that if I were ashamed of Him before others, He would be likewise before the Father. It wasn’t until later that I came to realize that I was never ashamed of Him as I know Him now, but rather I was ashamed of Him as I didn’t know Him then. I rejected an image of Him that was untrue and unknown to myself at the time, but fully accept Him as I know Him intimately now. My rejection was out of ignorance of the real Him and the lack of knowledge of His true character. Please learn from my mistakes. Don’t reject Him out of ignorance of who He really is or what another says of Him. Accept Him through the knowledge that you gain that only comes through an authentic intimate relationship with Him. This ignorant rejection is one that you’ll truly regret.
May He keep you until I see you again Sean. I miss you.
Something amazing always seems to happen in the face of tragedy and this has been no exception. It has been a great pleasure to have a front row seat to it all, and I don't recall being any prouder than now to be associated with the community in which I call home. I've caught a glimpse of hope and it is a beautiful site to behold. The same winds that birth tragedy and loss also blow away all the meaningless crap that accumulates and brings a truly vivid perspective. They also have blown us all together in unity to strive for a common goal that is survival. I stand in awe as neighbors rush to aid others, providing food, water, gas, labor or whatever...lifting each other up, carrying burdens, unknowingly or perhaps knowingly fulfilling the law of Christ. To see some that I know don't ever darken a church door do these things brings joy to my heart, for I know that whether they acknowledge Him or not, He is the reason for this. He is the reason that I do what I do or don't do what I don't. He is the reason that I live. He is the reason that I die. He is the reason that I laugh. He is the reason that I cry. He is the reason for it all. He's placed this reason within us, all we've got to do is realize it. We've just got to close our eyes and then we can truly see. When we walk by faith we can be all that He wants us to be. He's set eternity within us, it's all up to us where we want to spend it. Do we give Him His due for the good that we are able to do, or do we want center stage? After all, we're only able to do this or anything, because He first granted this autonomy. I'd pray for a hurricane everyday if it meant that we could be this way all the time, but I know that it's fleeting at best. It's just been a week and folks are already grumbling about who has electricity and who doesn't. I'd pray constantly to be blown together like this and to be blown away by the ambiance. I know that one day we'll be blown together in His presence and then...yes then, we'll most assuredly be blown away...by Him.
Another day down, another couple mre's consumed and I still wonder and am amazed by it all. The contradiction and paradox that is faith and most often life continues to be illustrated before me even in and maybe especially in light of our current situation. Who can explain it or even rationally understand the complexities of it all? Who can, with a straight face, not be humbled, awe-struck and smacked with the reality of our minusculeness in comparison to the majesty of even a fallen creation? I still find it hard to fathom how a mighty oak that once stood proud and strong lays broken and shaken not 10 ft from a plastic birdbath. The seeming randomness of the acts dumbfound me to say the least. How about why 1 house is stripped to the foundation while the next is left unmolested? Does this say anything about the inhabitants, the goodness or badness of their life or the manner in which they walk? I'm constantly reminded of the Stavesacre ditty that goes something like...should i sit in judgment? do i have to judge me? i couldn't tell you why good people suffer i couldn't tell you why the bad ones run free God showers blessings on the righteous and the wicked i only know that that covers me...maybe that's all we'll ever know. Maybe finding comfort in that is the key?
Seems like it's been forever since I've had the chance to do this. I guess our unexpected little visitor from the sea caused more than just physical havoc on my life and the way I live it. I've got tons that I've been reflecting on and maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to remember it all and eventually get it to the small screen you see before you. I got to eat my first MRE today and thought that it was a pretty cool experience. My mind had me hunkered down in the blistering deserts of a far off land instead of the comfort of an air conditioned pharmacy in a wind ravaged Pensacola. As I downed the rubbery burrito that is meal #12, I tried to imagine what it's like to stare down the barrel of a rifle and squeeze the trigger as someone drops on the other end. I thought about the recent talks of spiritual warfare and all the illustrations of being in God's army. I would have to agree with the fact that we have to be cognizant of the unseen battle, but I still don't know if all the verbiage used is appropriate or not. I mainly reflect on the speak in light of true evangelism and our life's being lived as open letters and living sacrifices. Is the battle won with the conventional sword in it's original form or from one that has been rent into a plowshare? Are we able to effectively communicate a message of love, forgiveness and redemption with a rousing pep talk comprised of all the military imagery and engaging the enemy or by one that speaks of turning cheeks and feeding sheep? We like Peter, the original Rock, want to take action, wield our sword and chop off a few ears, but was that the right thing then and is it anymore or less right now? I used to joke about being a lover and not a fighter, but maybe I should have been saying that I'm a farmer and not a fighter. Sure sounds right to me, but can I keep the MRE's?
Well, today's the big day I guess. I've never made too much of a deal about it and I probably never will. He's been so good to me, it feels as if everyday is my birthday. I'm blessed beyond my own belief and am ashamed at my selfishness for more. Maybe this could be the year that I finally get it all right and am selfish for the right things and the right reasons, but I doubt it. Never the less, I would like to post 1 wish, if wish could be the appropriate word to use here...
Grant me passion... A passion with perspective...a perspective of providence One that is pure One that has purpose One that strives for peace One that is provocative One that seeks His pleasure and doesn't shy from my pain One that is productive One that is parable and partakes of spiritual truth from physical realities One that is perfect and not in part One that loves perishable people because of the Perfector One that perserveres through persecution One that is perfected due to His piercing One that is a pillar of power One that is a portion for the poor to possess One that prays, praises and preaches One that is precious in His sight One that is prepared for His presence constantly One that is prideful only in Him One that is a prisoner to His proclamation One that is prostrate One that proves His propitiation One that is not private, but very much public Possibly, most of all...one that pursues His favor alone...
I will make a difference.
Jesus, I thank You that You suffered and died for me on the cross to pay for my sins.
Father, I thank You that You raised Jesus from the dead to be my living Lord and Savior. Holy Spirit, I thank You that You will lead me to do the right thing and change my world.
Today, Lord I want to make You a promise. I will not be ashamed of Your name or Your gospel.
I will do what I can for those who are persecuted and pray for them.
I will look enemies in the eye and love them with Your love. I will pray for them and love them—no matter what the consequences.
I will follow Your voice wherever You lead me, unafraid, for I know You will be with me.
If I should stumble, if I fall, if I should deny Your name, if I should fell guilty that I did not pray of forgot to do something You’ve asked me to do,
I will not quit. I will now wallow in guilt. I will turn back to You, confess my sin and do what You called me to do, because that is why You died for me.
I will stand with You, praying daily for my brothers and sisters.
I will be committed to discipleship, because no matter what happens, no matter what I face or how it looks, in the end, we will be victorious—we will inherit eternity and heaven with You.
Oh the mystery of metaphor The vastness of vagueness The elegance of inexactness
The spirit soars in serenity that ambivalent ambiguity brings We're allowed to bask in the unknown of uncertainty Seeming contradiction brings untold comfort without constraint
I long for His life and only truly live in His death He speaks in riddle and then makes it reality His parables bring paradox that is purified by His passion
He tells of truth, then makes it manifest He tells of hope, then passes the test He is all that He says and so unlike we'll ever know
His wholeness is without complete comprehension We see parts and long for the rest Can we truly grasp the Holistic or do we just hope for the best?
His words edify the context that was and is His life May mine do the same Does my hoping shine holy longings or that I'm simply insane?
Grant me peace in my passion Shine wholely on my appearance of ambiguity May the context of my life testify to the unwholeness of my words alone
The book intrigues me. It beckons me to write, but I know not what. It tells tales of discovery through physical journey and deep observation. I long to hit the road and discover for myself. I long to stay at home and be embraced by the safety of it all. Inhibition can be a very powerfully overpowering thing. Maybe this is why alcohol is the opiate of choice for some. Maybe we're scared of what we'll find on the trek. Maybe we already know what's there. So, we continue in like fashion. Onward to work, distancing ourselves from revelation. We attempt to dull the call through distance. No matter the faintness, it's still there. The vastness of time nor space can't dull it into oblivion. The heaping pile of junk in our life only obscures the view temporarily. We still catch glimpses from time to time no matter how quickly we turn our heads. We ponder the vision, if only for an instant, and must deal. Do we dare proceed or do we continue on in mundane repetition? Rejection through ignorance is always a cop out. We feel that in some way we're not responsible, even though we most certainly are. In such a way, absolutes are but mirages and are not true destinations. They appear to appease the weak, instead of convict the self-serving strong. Perception seems to rule the day, and those with the fewest crutches appear the victors, but nothing could be further from truth. We're not complete idiots, some parts are missing. The fallen are not weak for knowing that they've fell, but strong for the admission. To this I say, bring on the crutch, aid my journey, crush my pride and assist my gait, rather than allowing for my broken hobbling through this Way. Maybe the first real step is in the realization. Do we ever really walk without it? Maybe I've traveled miles in the past few moments without ever leaving this keyboard. Maybe, you've too. I wonder...
We watched Monster last nite and I must admit it was pretty tough to sit through. Charlese did a frawesome job with the lead and it quite possibly made the film more intriguing for me with her as the lead. I found myself constantly looking at her character, as hideous a task that was, to try and see the beautiful actress that lie underneath. I caught glimpses of her here and there, but it was never for extended periods of time. I wondered as I stared at the set and was pelted by the language, that if I didn't know Charlese, and what a beautiful starlet that she is in real life, if the movie would have captivated me to the extent that it did.? Would I have tried as desperately to see underneath the grough and jagged exterior of Lee down into the golden Charlese that I knew existed below? Would I have been as apt to try and understand the plight of a haggard, broken prostitute, whose circumstances seemingly never gave her a chance even though they would never justify the things that she did? Would I have even given Lee any solace in the facts of her rugged life or would I have been just that much quicker to rush to her judgment, sentencing and execution? More importantly, would I even try to see underneath the veneer of this rugged life and search for anything worth redeeming? I'm afraid of my answers. I'm even more embarrassed to admit they exist inside my being. I'm comforted only by the fact that I know of One who's got the only answers that matter. He did and would...why the hell shouldn't we?
To see her displays of beauty is truly a sight to behold Her embrace warms the frozen and works miracles untold She comes when she wants to and does not discriminate Her feet usher in redemption and eliminates hate
We are told that without her we have nothing and I believe that this is true For she originates in the One in whom all our blessings are due At times she is hidden and seemingly very far away At others she is rapturous and gobbles up the day
Without her we gain nothing in the pursuits that we travail Her absence leaves us cold, empty, lifeless....................stale She never ends, as all else will pass away She topples the mighty, strengthens the weak and gives courage to conquer the day
She is what He is and of this we can be sure For what other could provide the Way that endures? She is to be our pursuit and earnest desire She comforts in the immediate and preserves from the fire
She if fully capable of standing on her on She needs not our commentary to more accurately articulate or disrupt the tone She needs not our help and of this we can be sure For she is love and she will surely endure
