Break Me

Please allow me a little latitude. I don't mean to come across as hypercritical, judgmental, cynical or overly negative. I'm just not happy with the spiritual state of things, especially myself. I am completely satisfied in our Savior and overly joyed by His work in my life. I just realize that He intends so much more for me and for His people.

That's what this is all about. This is not about blind allegiance and being satisfied or comfortable and not realizing that I've lived a completely separate and ineffective life. I so desperately want to cling to the Savior, while arm and arm with my brothers (the church) and my neighbors (culture). For me it is not an either/ or proposition, it's a both/and.

I'm called to love Him with everything that I've got and to love my neighbor as myself. The whole law hangs on this very sentence. I also know that He is most glorified as I'm satisfied in Him. I just want a little satisfaction, like Mick.

How can you be joyous and yet be unsatisfied? I'm not sure, but I am. This is yet another paradox that so often arises in my walk. I have great joy, but I hunger for more. He's brought me so far, but I still realize that I've got miles to go. I don't want to rest. I don't want to stop. I want to continue the walk and it's just that right now the path isn't very clear.

I want to share all these things with you, because maybe it'll help. Maybe my struggles will bring illumination of the tension that we as believers are called to live in. To love a perfect God and His fallen creation requires balance and moderation and most of all guts.

I'm just tired of methodologies, formulas and programs and just want some authentic people to journey with. Tell me you love me or that you hate me, I don't care. Buke and rebuke me...at least we're communicating. Our Savior came and displayed a life of true, authentic passion and isn't He our ultimate example?

We've heard that "for me and my house stuff" and this is great, but can we say it with a little conviction? Can the words of our mouth be more than just a clanging gong or crashing cymbal? Can we truly be passionate? for Him? for our brothers? for our neighbors?

I want to go on record now! May the Lord be lord in my life and grant me a very contagious passion for Him and His creation or may He crush me. May He humble me or do whatever it takes to bring me to the point of sickening compassion if I'm not there already. May my passion be construed as such and nothing else. May He enable me to love people to death...their death to self, this world and the things of it, so that they may find true life, joy and peace in Him. If need be, break me Lord Jesus, for Your glory...