Please feel free to patronize, ridicule or join me in the search for genuine authenticity in what is hopefully developing into a truly transparent walk.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
you too?
Yeah...
All is quiet on New Year's Day A world in white gets underway I want to be with you Be with you night and day Nothing changes on New Year's Day On New Year's Day
I will be with you again I will be with you again
Under a blood red sky A crowd has gathered in black and white Arms entwined, the chosen few The newspapers says, says Say it's true it's true...
And we can break through Though torn in two We can be one
I... I will begin again I... I will begin again
Oh... Maybe the time is right Oh...maybe tonight...
I will be with you again I will be with you again
And so we're told this is the golden age And gold is the reason for the wars we wage Though I want to be with you Be with you night and day
all too often i break on the rocks of perceived futility rather than try. i've bought the idea that redemption requires acts that are grandiose & more heroic than i dare imagine. this is true at times, but all too often it's simply not. the only thing that impedes my being jesus is my own sense of justice. my flesh disallows my being a conduit for grace through the simplistic because i don't have enough of the less of me. the answers are all too easy, it's the implementation that trips me.
i look forward to the new year w/great expectation. as i come into a better understanding of who i am in him, i welcome the challenge of the miraculous being accomplished through the mundanely, miniscule, modalities through which i matriculate & hope to allow grace, hope & redemption to be birthed in the wake. i need not throw up my hands in disgust thinking that i'm unable to afford the opportunity to proxy salvation to my fellow man, but only need to realize that obedience picks up the tab. i want a regret-free '06. to listen more & talk less. to become my prayers & give feet to my faith. to mean what i say & say what i mean. to share my faith w/out saying a word.
to love out loud. to realize the redemptive value of things i would consider meaningless. to think of tomorrow all the while i fully remain in today.
to measure success by the standard of obedience. to question everything...especially myself. to remain perfect as 1 fully clothed in his flesh. to remain dead...
i remember leaving the theatre thinking that there had to be more to it than this. there had to be more than the empty moralizing and an attempt at story than what was given. beneath the amazing effects & sometimes over done imagery there had to be some redeeming qualities to this last great effort. i just want something more than...
'it was beauty that killed the beast'
maybe you're like me & you have a sense to over-spiritualize things. maybe you try inanely to connect story to underlying themes that ring eternal & resonate w/in, but weren't intended to draw connection to by the creator. maybe that point is moot & what should be our intent regardless of what was originally meant. i left thinking that both characters were in the role of savior during the story, but only at different times. or maybe it was that the gorilla's role was 1 that only appeared to be that, as the beauty, however helplessly that she appeared from the start, was there to save from the beginning. she came on the scene innocently enough as all the others had, but ended up bringing a sense of worth & recognition to a creature that 'saved' him in a sense.
sure, kong had a mate in the past & had been offered several other beauties previous to this 1, but not w/the same results. they had all since past & served a role that was only temporary, while this 1 was different...special. she connected to the beast & found something w/in, something worth connecting to & of worth, regardless if the outside world couldn't understand. so as the beauty scaled the great height in a seemingly futile attempt to save the beast, i sat & wondered why bother. the big monkey is saved for only the moment as the planes circle & simply finish the job from behind. the beast still dies & are we any better for seeing it...?
'it was beauty that killed the beast'
then as i attend our gathering this morning & hear about the master of creation & how the meaning of this day is that he intentionally sought us out & chose to be limited by space & time so that he may become intimate w/us it hits me. beauty didn't kill the beast, it set it free. beauty came & gave the beast worth through intimacy, that for the 1st time in it's existence, gave the beast true life. the beast would've eventually died outside of knowing the intimacy that is this beauty, but until meeting it, never truly lived nor had a reason to. that would've been the real tragedy. not dying a death that on the surface seems devoid of meaning or reason, but living a life devoid of those same attributes.
it wasn't beauty that killed the beast, it was men w/guns. fear of the unknown buried this beast. beauty only caused the beast to truly live...
'virgie...this is a skeptical age. people don't believe in things they can't comprehend. some among us inspire childlike faith & wonder--they become more than people or even legends...they become ideals. ideals are bigger than any person, and we need them. they speak to what's best in us.
there's a veil covering the unseen world which not even the united strength of the strongest that ever lived can tear apart. only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance--can push aside that curtain and picture the beauty and glory beyond. is it all real?there's nothing more real or lasting.
as sure as generosity and devotion exist to give life joy...'
i mean trip as in weird as well as in journey. i just got thro watchin' the new u2 vertigo dvd & was reveling in the experience when i sit to read e-mail & get hit w/how bono gave the impression of anti-christ to several @ a show in madison square garden.
what?
there is part of the show where he comes out wearing a headband w/the word coexist on it. the word is spelled w/the crescent moon of islam for the c, the star of david for the x & the cross of jesus for the t. this part of the show happens during the playing of sunday bloody sunday as bono points to the headband & apparently, at least to some, makes an appeal for universalism & sells out the faith. i went back to the dvd & listened several times to that particular part & after further review, found no problem w/it.
i tried to email relevant, who posted this story on their weekly release of 850 words, & the writer of the article, but have had no luck. there is a glaring discrepancy between what the dvd has & what the writer of this article says that bono proclaims. to some the point may be moot, but i hate to see miss-information help to form judgment on anyone, much less a guy that i think has done much for faith.
the writer of the article states the following...
Bono pointed at the symbols on his headband-first to the cross, then to the star, then to the crescent moon-and he began to repeat: Jesus, Jew, Mohammed-all true. Jesus, Jew, Mohammed-all true.
He repeated the words like a mantra, and some people even began to repeat it with him. I suddenly wanted to crawl out of my skin. Was Bono, my supposed brother in Christ, preaching some kind of universalism? In just a few seconds, I went from agreeing with him about Christlike coexistence to being creeped out by the ungodly, untrue thing he was saying. What's going on here? What if he believes that all ways are the same, and he just thinks of Christianity as his particular way? Aren't universalism and true Christianity mutually exclusive?
I've heard the urban legends of amazing things Bono has said about his faith, I've read the books, and I've peered deep into everything he's said hoping to find something that makes his beliefs clear. For years, I've adored him and clung to the notion that he is believer, too. After all, he identifies himself with Christianity, doesn't he?
When he stated that lie so boldly, it devastated me. It was, without question, the most disturbing experience of my life; I felt like I'd been covered in bile. As I looked around, I saw all the people standing and chanting with him-it was disgusting and beautiful all at once. Unity can be so enticing. It made me think of the one world religion and how that will probably look benign and beautiful from the outside, too. I even started to wonder if universalism just might be poised to be that religion. All these things were running through my head.
After the show, I ran into a friend who had been sitting in the back row. What did you think of that headband thing? I asked. Well, I couldn't hear what he was saying because it was bouncing off the wall behind me, and I couldn't read the headband, because I wasn't near a JumboTron. But honestly, I felt like I was witnessing an antichrist. I stood frozen as she spoke. I'd had the same feeling.
Let me be clear: I'm not saying that Bono is the Antichrist. Perhaps he's just guilty of being overzealous about his politics. But I hope that if he is a believer, the Holy Spirit will convict him that equating Christianity with other religions is false prophecy. 2 Timothy 3 tells us to avoid people who have a form of godliness but deny the true power of God. And I believe that the most deceptive thing of all is to identify yourself with the truth and preach a lie.
For a long time after the show, I couldn't talk about it. And I still don't know what to think because I don't know Bono's heart. All I know is what he said from that stage and how it shook my footing. God used that to show me something ugly in myself that needed to be fixed. It felt like He was saying, If you're looking to Bono, you're looking to the wrong place. The reality is that Bono held too high a place in my heart. And I don't think I'm alone there. I've wrongly held him up as the heroic ideal-the cool representative for Christianity; he may have been my Christian idol, but he was my idol nonetheless. And that's not OK. Yes, it should bother me to think that Bono might not be a believer; but it should not bother me any more than if a random guy on the street does not believe.
I pray for Bono more lately, and I pray for the hearts of the millions of people who he impacts on a daily basis. He is, without question, the most influential person in the world, and he has an unparalleled opportunity to speak the truth to the lost world. This year alone, he was nominated to be the president of the World Bank, and he was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. And by the time the Vertigo Tour ends in April, it will have grossed twice as much as any political campaign anywhere, ever. If Bono has a saving faith in the one true God, I can only hope that he would speak the Truth without ambiguity. I pray that the name of Jesus would grace his lips, without being equated with Judaism or Islam or any other religion. And I'm praying that God will help me to put things in the right place in my heart.
the dvd states:
jesus, jew, mohammed--it's true...
all sons of abraham...
where have you gone father abraham...
you've set son against son...
i can't help but wonder if the writer heard correctly. if she did, she may still be culpable for taking bono's words out of context, because all would still be true...
sons of abraham...
at least she owns up to her own idolotry, which is more than most can say. i just don't know if i can agree w/her on the charges of ambiguity in light of what i see as the work & words of the man in question. i guess that the fruit of 1 may never be enough for some.
glad that that isn't what matters...
here's the chick that wrote the article if anyone's interested...
Tara Leigh Cobble is an independent folk/rock artist who has spent the past five years playing at churches and colleges around the country. She lives in Nashville, but spends most of her time behind the wheel of her Toyota Camry.
back in the day, i used to get upset when i'd see guys in a band that were xtians refusal the label as xtian band to be known as a 'spiritual' band instead. fact is i didn't understand the reasons for this & took it as a slight to jesus. not knowing their walk personally & all the baggage that they were forced to carry as being pioneers of sorts, it made it really easy to thro rocks from a far.
having been privy to some things lately gives me pause & empathy to the path these guys have been walking for some time now. this whole titling thing also seems pretty relevant in light of all the yap about holiday trees, greetings & the like. i guess that people like to make missing the point a grand event which only serves to illuminate their great acts of martyrdom.
pretty pathetic if you ask me...
i could really care less want you call me, because i'm confident in who i am, where my identity's bedrocked & in the fact that you'll never diminish me or the 1 i serve by what you do or say. i read a quote today that cemented this for me. guess that this just serves as more confirmation to my confirmation...
'religion is for those who don't want to go to hell. spirituality is for those who've been there.'
seems more & more like losing your religion could be the best thing for most people. disconnecting w/the man-made & merging absolute realities w/our spiritually unknown selves not only makes us whole, it returns us to our roots. this holistic faith not only births the incarnational, it brings the more abundant life that we're all looking for.
it took a while, but i'm definitely glad that i'm here. wild horses couldn't drag me away. anybody care to join me...?
Comedian RICHARD PRYOR claims multiple sclerosis has had a positive effect on his life, because it ended a downward spiral further into drug addiction.
The 64-year-old was diagnosed with the debilitating disease in 1986 and is now wheel-chair bound and cannot speak - but he insists he has lead a more fulfilling life since his diagnosis.
Pryor - who attempted suicide in 1981 and battled drug addiction throughout much of the 1970s and 1980s - explains, "I found that my life, instead of ending because of MS, changed.
"Perhaps it was God's way of telling me to chill, look at the trees, sniff the flowers rather than the coke and see what it's like to be a human being."
knowing the beginning from the end doesn't invalidate the start or the middle of a story in my opinion. it should only bring perspective & serve to remind us to remember the future all the while we are fully present in the now. this is easily forgotten tho & gives reason to the # of times that we are in need of reminding.
i was thinking in this manner the other day when i perused the obits. i know that very few, if any, had any idea that their picture was to appear there this day & i guess if they were in possession of any fore knowledge of the fact that they would've certainly done things differently. the smoker would've never started, the type a would've played more & certainly all would've attempted to live more fully in whatever capacity that meant to them. i don't plan on going any time soon, but i do want to go on record that i want my baby pic used on my obit. i don't really care about what words are to follow, but i do want the message to be that i was born for this...to die. i didn't get cheated, leave anything on the field or demand a mulligan, but was born to truly live when i died the 1st time & am now experiencing what i hoped to give people a glimpse of while i walked the planet.
people miss so much because their head is down & they continue to bitch 'bout the things they can't change, rather than going about changing the 1 thing that they can...themselves. they pray for all sorts of things, rather than their very lives becoming the prayer that they speak. incarnation isn't just a good idea left for the professionals such as the paid staff, but rather a command to become the christ, rather than grovel & plead for him to bless us w/a cameo appearance.
we claim monopoly over the story & attack errant attempts wrought w/vague ambiguity rather than try & connect this lost worlds' searching to the personage that is our savior. we revel in the christianization of just about everything in the attempt to make it safe or suitable for our holy palates, rather than acquiring a taste for the wrongly perceived secular. we puff our chests w/intolerences that divide rather than rush to the bedsides of the differently dying.
i still want more. i want more for my kids. i want more for his church & this world. if my death thro life brings this about in some way, i have succeeded.
i may loose some cred here, but i can hardly hear this w/out tearing up. it's my prayer for those that follow me & especially my son. i want for him to be so much more than me, that i get kinda emotional about it.
i hope that cam is able to get it. to know & understand his beginning from the end. it'll make all the difference in his life, 'cause i know that it finally has in mine...
And you ask me what I want this year And I try to make this kind and clear Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings And desire and love and empty things Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words And sing out loud Cuz everyone is forgiven now Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
And it's someplace simple where we could live And something only you can give And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive And the one poor child that saved this world And there's 10 million more who probably could If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them
I wish everyone was loved tonight And somehow stop this endless fight Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
i've never really thought of myself as the creedal kind, but truth be told we all live by some sort of rule of life that governs are thoughts, deeds & motives that can usually be defined in a statement that would constitute a creed of some sort. it's nothing that is so prominent in my journey that would push me to carry it in little boxes that would adorn my brow, but it's something that's essential all the same. i've just started a place for skeptics by scott larson & chris mitchell & the parallels that have been drawn from the 1st few chapters & the last couple of years of life for me are pretty uncanny.
in starting dw a couple of years ago we set out to define our purpose in such a way that it could be explained w/a statement, much like a creed w/out limiting it or us. i think we've achieved our goal. it's beautifully simplistic, yet undeniable complex.
we've made the creed of paul our own & i for 1 can say that it's made all the difference. it wasn't something that happened over night, but has been a process that continues to be ever evolving from degree to degree. i stepped out 2 yrs ago & can honestly say that i've never been the same...
you ever wonder what's the point...? i mean, movie stars, god-like status, unbelievable wealth & unforgivable decadence are accepted these days & even expected as the norm. all for the continued search for that next 2hr release that gives us pause from our own pitiful existence. to escape the doldrums that are our days, we let a lot go & even worship a warped sense of human existence... where'd it all go wrong...?
surely there's more to it than this...?
this can't be all...?
it all begins w/stories. character development, special effects, drama, violence & themes eternal become our currency all in a means to better communicate these days. upon meeting someone new, we even imagine what their story is...their background, the struggles that brought them this far, that shaped who they seem to be now & what mission they're own @ the moment.
we even begin to develop our prejudices based on the stories that we like & those that we don't. our type of story makes us better than 1 w/another type & allows for categorization, separation & segregation which leads to all sorts of different atrocities. these crimes from division not only become expected & the norm, they become the new laws of the land when we rule ourselves in the court of the human heart. we've moved so far away from where we 1st began. the sets, scenery & characters where never meant to be the same & the reasons for our quick ability w/which to dismiss another. the subversive runs much deeper than that & continues to long for the variances & for our reaching across them w/his help. the eternal theme never changed, wasn't meant too & hasn't, but we've poorly recognized this fact. redemption... justice... grace... salvation... &
love...
undeniable, unstoppable love is the ultimate theme that defines the eternal & binds all of our different tales into 1. it's presence, or lack thereof, is in all, above all & drives all. when did we lose sight of this...?
so again we're left w/stories. images painted on the big screen thro film, left floating in the air from music & exploding in our brains thro the written word. they may not all last, but the thematic fire the drives them always will. so, in the hopes to reach a few, dare i say that it's way past time to learn this. to push beyond the boundaries of our own few acceptable tales. to see much deeper w/in to the river than runs beneath.
we all know the greatest story ever told & can tell people far & wide how it's impacted our lives. but i say that this isn't enough. we, who hold this story as sacred, need to go a bit further & realize that this isn't just an amazing story that effects our lives, but rather that this is a story that we are deeply implicated in. this is our story. it's past time to get up off of your knees & be the jesus in someone elses story rather than worry of getting him dirty in your's. this has to be the reason that we're still here. this has to be the reason we still celebrate this story. if not, than i'm afraid that all these stories & the ways we tell it are worth little in retrospect. so embrace the story of another. realize our very implicit role in redemption & be someone's salvation tonight. love the story for more than the action or the characters & see the inner workings of the things w/in. make the greatest story of all incarnate in your own life, for it's the only way to make it worth living. so, what's your story...?
I saw Tyler for the 1st time in a long time the other day. Man has he grown. I wondered where his dad was.
There you stood in disbelief, trying all you could to see through these lies And every word that I could breathe, would find you more inclined to leave, but I tried And knowing what I've done to you, with every thought you suffer through My heart as black as evil can And everything I could have been, erased by what I wanted then I couldn't think a lesser man I walked across the yard & saw her. Tyler's mom, Donnie's wife & my ex-neighbor was there talking to my current neighbors. When I got close enough, all I could do was embrace her & beg her forgiveness.
All the delicate ways That I deepened our graves My apology pales Oh, the pain in your eyes My regrets have never known such sorrow Oh, the shame that you hide Resolutions are the same tomorrow She told me that she didn't understand the sentencing, but knew that he wasn't going to be home anytime soon. He's got 10 years. I do the math as I stand in the driveway, what used to be their driveway, what should still be their driveway & realize that Tyler's now a fatherless child till he turns 17.
So now I reap what I have sewn, and any rapture I had shown has bled dry And I walked the streets alone, accepting the pain I'd never known, as you died Then I hurt myself to see it too, to feel the knife put in you My heart as broken as my ways I never should've let it pass, this fall was never meant to last The reason gone and damage stays
I was just doing what I was told... You're in the same profession... Think of your family & separate yourself from this... I didn't know what to say & hid myself away, rather than just offering the only thing that I could... To simply be there... Such a coward... Such a fool...
My only hope now is in the regret that fuels the fire to seek out those hurting, regardless of why & to be... I hope to visit Donnie in prison & to attempt to be what I should've long ago... My how redemption moves so painfully slow...
Well, it's done. I talked w/Dr. Dennis Morris, pastor of Trinity Baptist Church & am totally amazed. It wasn't at all as I expected & it gives me hope.
I found the pastor to be 1 of the most gracious & soft-spoken men I've ever had the pleasure of speaking with. He readily listened to me, quite his junior & even asked my input for suggestions. He never became argumentative or offensive.
I shared w/him my concerns as to their approach to evangelism & he sincerely thanked me for the information. When I told him of the awkwardness that his men perpetuated that night he even went so far as to offer to call each neighbor personally to apologize. I was totally blown away.
While we may never see eye to eye on certain aspects of faith, I'm proud that 2 could dialogue successfully about the One. We all too often end up focusing so much on our differences that we never pause long enough to consider the similarities. We serve an amazing God...
Recently I've been struggling w/the call to do something out of my comfort zone. As much as I hate to admit it, I believe that I got my answer last night @ work. This next week is going to be a challenge for me, but w/guidance I know I'll be able to persevere. I'm usually not the 1 to attempt things that seem rather senseless or w/little opportunity for success. I usually like to just shrug my shoulders & say oh well rather than make my thoughts known to those that aren't really interested in hearing them. In other words, I absolutely hate confrontation even if it appears inevitable.
I was going about my merry way @ work when it happened. A good friend who's come to me for advice in the past shared something w/me that disturbed her. Weird part was, that her story was totally unsolicited & unrelated to anything that had been going on in the department up until that time.
Jennifer told me about coming out of class @ the local JC when she was approached by a girl that she's never seen before. The girl starts to ask her if she's saved & how God loves her & how God told her to approach her & ask this questions. Needless to say, Jennifer was freaked & replied w/an 'I'm uncomfortable talking about that...'.
If you've read the post below this 1, you know that somethings up. This is not coincidence. I'm pretty sure that there's no such thing.
So, it looks as if I've got an appointment to make w/a man who's been behind a pulpit practically as long as I've been alive. This unnerves me somewhat, but I don't believe that I can be true to myself if this doesn't happen. At best, we share & gain understanding & perspective from the interaction & @ worst, I become a whipping boy & sermon example.
Sad part is, is that this won't be the 1st time...
I've had a couple of days to mull things over & I'm still undecided. I've talked w/several folks about it, had my run through all different types of emotions over it & still don't know what I'm to do, if anything at all. Maybe if you read this you could help me.
I was getting ready for work the other night, when I was getting out of the shower Amy came in to tell me that 'I'd missed it'. I told her that I didn't know what she was talking about. She then continued to inform me of the 2 visitors we had just had from the local independent fundamental church while I showered.
My initial reaction was 1 that tried to make lite of the situation & deal w/it by essentially understanding their intentions & shrugging my shoulders. I don't necessarily agree w/the approach, but understand it somewhat. The more I think about it though, I tend to get a little pissed & contemplate going to the church to have a sit down w/the pastor.
I've talked to our neighbors over the last couple of days & found that their opinion mirrors mine somewhat. I've read the tracts that they left & don't get anything else but mad. They're very limited in their view of God as I would have to assume that their church is & even though the pastor there has been in ministry about as long as I've been alive, I can't help but feel that I need to say something.
Truth is, this really saddens me. Their walk, talk, material & lives appear to be devoid of the joy that I know from a very, very, personal relationship w/the Master Creator even though they would look @ me & my life & call it carnal xtianity. They're building their own tower of Babel to the heavens that only serves to cast a dark shadow on those that would love a god, a true God if only he weren't so small as what they propose.
This tract laying on my desk now kills me...
What You Miss By Being A Christian...
HELL! What if I weren't home? I don't feel comfortable w/2 men coming to my door w/my wife home alone w/4 kids...regardless of what church they're from or how nice their suits are. Did I mention that this was @ 8pm too? Shouldn't cultural barriers be considered when attempting to be evangelical?
My main question still remains...did the cats receive divine word to come to Dandy Dr or what is something else? Are these efforts, regardless of how good the intent was, under the authority & leading of the Holy Spirit? When did Jesus do anything outside of what His Father asked/commanded?
Never.
I know the feeling though & can relate. I've had that gnawing @ me that longs for me to do something, anything, rather than to appear disobedient or lazy or non-committed. Problem w/that was that I was motivated out of the fear of a vengeful God & wanted desperately to appear of worth to Him. I needed to go & witness rather than to witness as I am going. The difference may appear minute linguistically, but is vast when it comes to the heart.
This whole thing hasn't been far from my thoughts over the last 2 days. So what say you? Do I go & talk to Pastor Morris & express not only my concerns, but give them feedback on the negative impact they've had on a neighborhood?
Some would say that it's a waste of time, but if they don't ever hear it, how will they ever even begin to understand? I don't long to set anyway straight, but I would hope that some understanding might result, even if it come from a carnal xtain. This bothers me & I only want to do what's right, true & genuine.
