beginning from the end

knowing the beginning from the end doesn't invalidate the start or the middle of a story in my opinion. it should only bring perspective & serve to remind us to remember the future all the while we are fully present in the now. this is easily forgotten tho & gives reason to the # of times that we are in need of reminding.

i was thinking in this manner the other day when i perused the obits. i know that very few, if any, had any idea that their picture was to appear there this day & i guess if they were in possession of any fore knowledge of the fact that they would've certainly done things differently. the smoker would've never started, the type a would've played more & certainly all would've attempted to live more fully in whatever capacity that meant to them.

i don't plan on going any time soon, but i do want to go on record that i want my baby pic used on my obit. i don't really care about what words are to follow, but i do want the message to be that i was born for this...to die. i didn't get cheated, leave anything on the field or demand a mulligan, but was born to truly live when i died the 1st time & am now experiencing what i hoped to give people a glimpse of while i walked the planet.

people miss so much because their head is down & they continue to bitch 'bout the things they can't change, rather than going about changing the 1 thing that they can...themselves. they pray for all sorts of things, rather than their very lives becoming the prayer that they speak. incarnation isn't just a good idea left for the professionals such as the paid staff, but rather a command to become the christ, rather than grovel & plead for him to bless us w/a cameo appearance.

we claim monopoly over the story & attack errant attempts wrought w/vague ambiguity rather than try & connect this lost worlds' searching to the personage that is our savior. we revel in the christianization of just about everything in the attempt to make it safe or suitable for our holy palates, rather than acquiring a taste for the wrongly perceived secular. we puff our chests w/intolerences that divide rather than rush to the bedsides of the differently dying.

i still want more. i want more for my kids. i want more for his church & this world. if my death thro life brings this about in some way, i have succeeded.

i may loose some cred here, but i can hardly hear this w/out tearing up. it's my prayer for those that follow me & especially my son. i want for him to be so much more than me, that i get kinda emotional about it.

If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open

i hope that cam is able to get it. to know & understand his beginning from the end. it'll make all the difference in his life, 'cause i know that it finally has in mine...