In Saint's Clothing

I held her tight as if she would fall through my arms. I cherished every moment as if it may be our last. Breathing in every smack, sneeze & yawn. Trying not to laugh when her startle reflex would trigger, throwing her tiny arms wildly into space. I studied the furrow of her brow & told myself that all was right when she would occasionally smile, however brief or fleeting the moment.

I laid her back on my flexed thighs to continue the process, but couldn't clear my mind of the night before. The night I saw his baby from 10 ft, lying in a box, destined for the dirt. The night I was introduced as a friend of his sister, who just so happened to be the father of a baby born the day after his died. The walk up the aisle that proceeded this meeting was filled w/begging Him to allow me to keep shut what needed to be kept shut & to open what needed to be opened.

I think that I failed...

this is lee...he's the pharmacist i work w/at baptist

nice to meet you

yeah, i wish that it could've been under different circumstances...of course

he has a baby that was born, when Laura died

hands extend...we shake

i feel like we've just swapped angels here

congratulations

thanks

i'm sorry

I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at LJ the same again. I thought that I knew, but maybe I was just fooling myself. The only thing I own is the honor, privilege & associated memories/experiences. That's it.

The rest are not mine to be expected as rights. I'm blessed & shouldn't be. I'm a hypocrite in saint's clothing.

I pray I never forget that.

Somehow I know I never will.