Don't Be an Ass

assumption: A statement accepted or supposed true without proof or demonstration.

How does the world view your witness? Is the image that you would suppose to portray the same as the one that the world sees? How do you know for sure?

I was liberated a few weeks ago. I've always had this grand idea as to how people saw me in action at work in the world, but lately I'd been seriously burdened as to whether my self-perception was one based in reality or one as fantasy filled as a certain amusement park in Orlando. After all, I've read all the latest books on evangelism and seen the current statistics compiled by Barna, but where the rubber hits the road for me is how I'm actually seen & portrayed by the world in which I live.

You ready for the secret to my liberation? Are you ready to really know if your witness is truly salty and light-bearing? Do you honestly want to know what the world thinks of you and your faith?

Then do what I did, ask them. I grew tired of wondering if people saw the joy that is the well-spring of my love affair with the Son of the Living God. So I gathered several of my co-workers who see me at my absolute worst and asked them what they thought of me and my portrayal of Christianity.

The answers set me free, but I must warn you to be prepared for what you may not want to hear. I still see no other way of a fair self-assessment, so for Truth seekers, this should be a must. Prepare yourselves to be freed!

Then you will experience for yourselves the truth, and the truth will free you.

KOTH: King of the Ant Hill

All Jesus did that day was tell stories--a long storytelling afternoon.

Episode #13 (rank #25) 5/4/1997




Hank wants to have the best lawn in the neighborhood for Cinco De Mayo, and he decides that Dale's weekly bug-spraying is hurting his lawn. He tells Dale not to spray his lawn anymore. To improve his lawn, Hank buys the best grass available, Raleigh St. Augustine. Angry at being fired as Hank's exterminator, Dale sabotages Hank's new lawn with fire ants. And when Hank gets Dale to kill the ants, it destroys the lawn completely. Meanwhile, Bobby adopts some fire ants, and he becomes a hypnotized slave of the Queen Ant.

Analysis:

Hank dismisses Dale as his exterminator after believing that Dale's spraying is a detriment to his lawn. Self-centeredness abounds as Hank covets his lawn & Dale covets his prowess as an exterminator. Neither are able to express their true feelings to the other as things only seem to escalate.

Dale redeems the situation with a truly self-less act that saves Bobby & ultimately reconciles the relationships of all involved. This is yet another illustration to how selfishness can kill relationship & cloud judgment. Dale's self-less act resembles that of another who willingly laid down his rights to self to restore relationship for our eternal benefit. He removed the sting or bite of death for us, restoring us completely & wholly if we would but seek & find.

Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death--and the worst kind of death at that: a crucifixion.

KOTH: The Company Man

All Jesus did that day was tell stories--a long storytelling afternoon.

Episode #12 (rank #120) 12/7/1997



Hank tries to get the propane account with Mr. Holloway, a visiting businessman from Boston. Holloway has stereotypical ideas about Texas and is disappointed that Hank doesn't live up to the stereotype. So Hank must swallow his pride and act like a "cowboy" to get the account.

Analysis:

Hank sells out to land an important business account all the while compromising virtue & his principles in front of Bobby who's working an a Sunday School report about his hero...his daddy. This shows the very depths that we'll go to, to accomplish some good things at the cost of losing our first love & integrity. In the end Hank realizes that nothing is worth paying that high of a price. So should we.

I'm holding fast to my integrity and not loosening my grip-- and, believe me, I'll never regret it.

Fabulously Horrible

This post is predominantly going to allow me to whine a good deal & for you to be able to see what a wuss I am. I say this up front to save you some time if you'd rather forgo it. If you're into big burly wimps, read on, if not, do the appropriate, but at least know that you were warned!

I haven't posted in a week, so it's almost out of some sense of obligation that I do so now. I've been pretty hesitant to do so knowing the nature of this entry in comparison to the last, but after some thought I digress. Maybe it just goes to show how quickly the worm can turn.

The week wasn't a bad 1 at all, just busy & emotion laden. It was the kind of week that poses more questions than anything & I guess this is where my troubles begin. I can't stand not knowing.

My folks dropped in on Sunday to visit us for the week. This is a good thing & a bad thing for reasons totally unrelated to their physical presence. Monday the kids had school as usual & Cam's Red Sox lost to the Angel's in a game that they should have won. Tuesday went better as da' Sox whipped up on the Braves. Wednesday was another day of school & KOTH study that night. Thursday was Cam's graduation ceremony from pre-school & his last game vs. the Cards.

Besides the week being a busy 1, I guess that it was just the very epitome of my fears. A lot of great things happened, but all of those great things lead to other things that I'm not so sure about. The questions brought about by all-stars, kindergarten & God's will.

The end of this season brings on the opportunity for Cam to play all-stars. No big whoop hunh? Wrong.

I met w/the coaches after our game Thursday night & the talk turned to uniforms, fund raising, equipment & Birmingham. Amy thinks I'm nuts for even considering this. I can't help it. Maybe I am nuts. I try to keep telling myself that this is just t-ball & Cam's only 5, but it doesn't seem to help any. I've set myself up to work 2 wks straight (160hrs) just to give him the opportunity to play in the 'world series'. Crazy? Oh yeah, I'm helping coach too...


Cam's graduation was hard for me. I had it all together until the closing slide show & some sappy country song 'bout letting 'em be little or kids or something. I hate that damn song now more than you could ever know. I wept like I just got through seeing Where The Red Fern Grows for the 1st time. Stupid?

My folks make me question my life, walk & where I'm at w/God & what He has for me. I've lived here (7hrs away) for 10 years now & this 1 question burns within me now more than ever. Am I where God wants me to be? Am I doing what He wants me to do?

If I am, why do I die a little everytime I leave from spending time @ home w/family or when they leave from visiting me? Do I only seek the presumed safety of their company & convenience? Do I only long for the safe haven of the past where I made no prominent decisions & had no responsibility? Do I seek a good thing, no, a really great thing & would risk losing God's best to attain it?

All of this has made my week a fabulously horrible 1. I've tried to tell myself not to be such a wuss & work through these things, but my head has no control over my heart. I can't just will this to happen or not.

I wish that I could.

Boxer Rebellion

His name was Buckshot. He was my sister & brother-in-law's dog without a home, due to the arrival of my nephew Caleb, so my dad decided to take him in. By take him in, I mean that he allowed Buckshot to live in our backyard.



You see, my dad's old school...no animals in the house, besides us & everybody abides by the rules...even if & especially if you happen to be a dog. That means no digging, excessive barking & definitely no leaving the confines of the yard. PERIOD.

At first it seemed to be a pretty square deal for ol' Buck & all the others that have occupied that little stretch behind 529 Stephens Ave, but lately I've begun to wonder. As he aged it certainly got easier, but what about those early years? What about those once puppy synapses that carried thoughts of wonder of the open field & rolling in clover or treeing a squirrel or terrorizing a cat?



I'm left wondering just how long it takes for dreams to die? How long is it for us to become so engrossed by our own safety, found in the familiarity of our surroundings, that any & all fleeting screams of The Call are no longer & don't even amount to a whisper?

I wonder this, because I recently invoked the remembrence of trying to walk Buck one time around the neighborhood. I put on the leash & opened the gate & thought that that would be that. Wrong!

Dad had so instilled in him the worth of staying within the yard, that this once proud boxer, a beautiful specimen of a dog, wouldn't/couldn't walk outside of the fence. I'd lift him to his feet with both hands, trying to reassure him all the while that it's ok, only to watch him flop to his belly and refuse to move. I'd even try giving his collar a tug w/the leash, in hopes that he'd rise & we'd be on our way, but no. He was done before we even started.



I feel The Call. I treasure it. Safety & familiarity only cripple it & would kill it if followed to their ends.

I can not.

He's so much bigger out here in the open field. With fresh grass stains of faith on my knees I roll in the clover & cherish the sweetness of the arouma that is His presence. I've never felt so alive.



I can't beg you enough to leave the yard. To leave behind whatever or whoever it is that confines, wrongly conforms or constricts & will ultimately kill your dream from The Call. Be a faithful puppy & dream...daring to truly live.

KOTH: Plastic White Female

All Jesus did that day was tell stories--a long storytelling afternoon.

Episode #11 (Rank #114) 5/11/1997




Bobby is worried because he's been invited to his first boy-girl party, where the kids will play Spin the Bottle. Luanne is worried because she has a big hairstyling test coming up. When Luanne brings home a plastic "practice head," Bobby secretly starts using it to practice interacting with the opposite sex. To Peggy's horror, she walks into Bobby's room and finds him kissing the plastic head.

Quote:

Hank: "Don't point your finger at me, woman! You're the one who parks him in front of the TV and makes him watch all them Muppets! They got frogs kissin' pigs ... what the hell did they think was gonna happen?"

Analysis:

This episode goes along way to show how perspectives can vary widely between people. Bobby's new friend is seen by him as just a tool to help him grow somewhat comfortable with interacting w/the opposite sex, while Hank & Peggy see it as Bobby's ticket to the bus headed over the edge. What is used to give him confidence & practice for an upcoming trial may seem impractical to most, but it just so happens to work for Bobby.

Believer's may experience this same phenomenon over a variety of different things seen as worldly, ungodly or just plain impractical, but maybe we just lack proper perspective & understanding. The idea of this very study may even be the epitome of this. How can we judge properly without removing all our bias, ideals based on presumption & prejudices?

Better yet is the differences in perspective between believers & The Believed. We see from such a miniscule perspective, comparatively speaking, that it isn't even funny. I mean really, who are we?

Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ--that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.

From your point of view as you hear and embrace the good news of the Message, it looks like the Jews are God's enemies. But looked at from the long-range perspective of God's overall purpose, they remain God's oldest friends.

In all, it seems very vital to the moderate life to keep perspective. It's worth proves to be beyond measure & inseparable from our other treasures such as love, beauty & redemption. These seem to be interwoven into the fabric of our very nature & lose something when set free from a basing perspective.

Seeing Bobby's confidence soar after his head sessions makes me wish that I'd had 1 as a kid...

Relative Rat = Hero?

I wrote some time ago a piece about the apparent ties of relativism that seems to have become attached to our convictions and decision making process. While I still hold fast to Absolute Truth & all the it stands for, I still wrestle w/perspective most of the time. Today brings just more of the same as I read the PNJ & wondered if anybody else thought the same...



The article was on Joseph Darby & his being lauded for reporting the abuse & atrocities being committed @ Abu Ghraib. I wonder if I'd had the guts to do the same. I wonder if the thought would even cross my mind to there being anything wrong here. I wonder if I'd attribute the goings on to the situation/war/whatever & that desperate times would call for desperate measures.

I wonder...

I also sit & come to realize the ease w/which many call judgment from afar. The perspective has got to be completely different as I sit in sunny Pace, Fl rather than across the bars from so many seen as my mortal enemy, potential/possible terrorist or better yet the murderer of my fellow countrymen & rapist of a nation's, mine & more importantly my children's innocence.

So from what perspective of relativism do you view Joseph? A hero that deserves our praise & admiration or a rat, that by breaking the chain of command, deserves the death threats & home vandalization that he's gotten? Did he do 'what he thought was right & it was right?' or not?

Better yet, would/could/do we?

Evangelism: The New Unministry?

I've got to be the biggest flake in the world. Unofficially of course, because all the votes have yet to be tallied. I still think that it's a forgone conclusion though. I'll try & set the stage for you & let you decide...

It's Wednesday Night & we've got our regular bi-weekly leadership meeting with our pastor. It had been some time since I'd been able to attend, so the format had changed, which I was informed of. No prob, so far.

It works something like this. Each person is asked by the pastor what his or her needs of prayer are in their particular ministry area. We then respond with something that is hopefully coherent & shows that we are somewhat competent.

Coherent & competent...not 2 words that I would readily associate with the utterances that dropped out of my pie-hole.

I had just got through reading Dan Haseltine's latest in Relevant & had this prevailing theme running through my mind. The idea of the unstory & Napoleon Dynamite & how do we relate story to this generation that is not interested in THE STORY or any story for that matter.



So I begin...& the looks that I got were priceless. I think I may have been able to make more sense if I were high on crack. It didn't help matters when I had to ask what my ministry was. All I could think about was how this ministry is the new unministry. How we don't meet at any set time, but we meet all the time. How we don't have any set agenda, but our entire being is agenda. How we evangelize none of the time, but all the time.

So what do I say that we prayer for or about? How about that we would be a people that preaches the gospel at all times & sometimes...if necessary, we use words. How about being of such cognizance, that in all we do, we do as unto the Lord? How about thirsting after discernment that would allow us to see where the Spirit precedes & merely showing up after He's prepared the way?

I know...sounds like a cop out. Kinda feels that way too. I don't think that there's any other way though...

I still call & write letters to all of our visitors & go see them, if they're open to it...what else can/should be done?

Until I know better, I guess that I'll keep up w/the unministry...

How Could You?

When you look down & see all the apostasy
That gums our wheels & disables our gait
Does our present add poundage to the weight of Your wait?

While we argue & fight, whether by indifference or by might
All the while a world slips by, unnoticed she cries & ever so slowly dies
Is Your longsuffering for those that know & help not, or for those that don't & cannot?

While the voices continually rise up from under Your throne
Thought of as abandoned, forgotten & unknown
Do You tell them it's just a while longer & blind them from our apparent truancy?

I can only imagine the feeling that it took
For tearing flesh from brutal hooks
Swung by the very objects of Your desire

To open eyes with the spittle that saves
While given in return the hatred that craves
It's own way that leads to death, for without the spittle, there's nothing left

So we continue on at our own discretion
Which begs me to ask but 1 question
That burns in my mind, through & through

Knowing that I'm not You
Knowing that the world rejoices that that's very true
Seriously, honestly, truthfully, & earnestly...how could You?

Christian Porn?

This simply has to be read to be believed...or not.

Interview estimated reading time: 4:23

Uncovering the Christian Porn Industry:
An Interview With a Christian Porn Star
by Scott Douglas



Editor's Note: the Christian porn star in question has asked to remain nameless, and thus, does.

Douglas: I'm confused at the term. To say you're a "Christian Porn Star"-isn't that a bit of an oxymoron?


Christian Porn star (CP): There are Christian rock stars, Christian actors, and Christian athletes. Why should being a Christian porn star be any different?


Douglas: Well the very nature of your profession is-well, not very Christian.


CP: (nodding) I've thought about that quite a bit in the past.


Douglas: And?


CP: Well, the films my production company makes aren't targeted towards Christians. They're targeted to men who have, by and large, not thought much of religion. I think their needs to be a Christian in the industry helping to promote the name of Christ.


Douglas: And how exactly do you go about doing this?


CP: Well the movies I do are what industry experts call "Art House Porno."


Douglas: Art house porno?


CP: (nodding) It's an experimental form of pornography. What we do in the films is really push the boundaries of what porno is. They're films that combine sex with morals.


Douglas: Sex and morals?


CP: Right.


Douglas: So are you trying to say that godless sex is wrong in your films?


CP: By all means, no.


Douglas: Then what are you trying to do?


CP: The films are moral tales of sorts. They have themes like 'don't steal' or 'don't do drugs' or 'don't lie.' Very moral things. But to get the men to come see the moral message, we throw in all kinds of sex-raunchier and more experimental then what you would see in most porn. Like we're doing one right now about the poet Jane West. It's about West and her desire to be a female poet at any cost.


Douglas: Was West a sex addict, then?


CP: In this movie she is. It's just your typical pornographic period piece.


Douglas: Interesting. But, back to the question at hand-you don't see any of this as disregarding one immoral act as a way of condemning another one?


CP: Not at all.


Douglas: And where does Christ come in?


CP: Christ?


Douglas: Christ. You are a Christian porn star, after all. Aren't you supposed to be promoting Christ?


CP: We live in a godless world. I believe people need to see that they are doing immoral acts before they are able to see why they need Jesus Christ.


Douglas: And what about you? What about the acts you perform in the movies? Isn't having sex with multiple partners, and sometimes men, a little immoral?


CP: It's done in the name of art.


Douglas: And this makes it right?


CP: If I got pleasure out of having sex with several women at the same time, then I would say it was wrong. But I don't. I merely do it to promote morals.


Douglas: But the audience doesn't know your acting. They see a man on screen whose having sex with several women. Aren't you afraid they'll walk away believing that this kind of thing in society is okay?


CP: They're just movies. If they can't see the difference between fiction and reality, then they have other problems.


Douglas: Like addiction to porn, low self-esteem, inability to commit they're love to one person?


CP: Exactly.


Douglas: And you don't feel like you contribute to they're feelings and addictions?


CP: Absolutely not. I'm just here to entertain.


Douglas: Fair enough. Then onto other questions. Why don't you want your name to be identified?


CP: If people knew I was a Christian and a porn star, then they wouldn't see my movies.


Douglas: Doesn't the gospel say you should not be ashamed to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ?


CP: I'm not ashamed.


Douglas: You just don't want people to know you're a Christian.


CP: Exactly. Maybe one I'll write a tell-all autobiography of my life, but not until I feel my calling is finished.


Douglas: Speaking of autobiographies, can you tell me your testimony-how you came to Christ.


CP: That's a really great story. We were filming a love scene in a church, and I overheard the pastor telling the director all about Jesus. The director blew him off, but I wanted to hear more. So after the love scene was over, I found the pastor and asked to hear more. He told me how Jesus died for my sins and that accepting him would let me have a personal, one on one, relationship with God.


Douglas: Did the minister tell you, after you accepted Christ, that you needed to stop living your current life and start living for Christ?


CP: He's the one who encouraged me to be a Christian porn star.


Douglas: What kind of minister was this?


CP: Methodist.


Douglas: I see. So how did your life change after you accepted Christ? Is this when you started doing the moral porno?


CP: My life didn't change. I was already doing moral porno. Ever since I entered the industry, I felt a very passionate need to change the system and put in moral films.


Douglas: So nothing changed?


CP: Well I was a Christian porn star after that. I had only been a porn star before.


Douglas: Then what would you say the difference is between a Christian porn star and a regular porn star?


CP: I'm asked that a lot, although I'm not sure why. It's pretty obvious. A Christian porn star believes in Christ. A regular porn star does not.


Douglas: But they're attitudes and lifestyles are the same?


CP: In many cases, yes.


Douglas: Then why would you tell someone they need to be a Christian if everything can be identical when you believe in nothing?


CP: On Earth, they're really is no point in being a Christian. It's in heaven where not being a Christian can be tricky.


Douglas: So one day you'll die and meet God. What do you think he'll say about your life?


CP: Well, seeing is how I haven't did anything to make me ungodly, I think he'll be well pleased.


Douglas: You have no concerns that he won't see you doing porno as ungodly.


CP: No I don't-not compared to what other people have did.


Douglas: And what about the rest of your life. Your life outside the industry. Do you go to church? Read the Bible? Pray?


CP: Some days I'm more spiritual then others, but yeah I try and do all of those things.


Douglas: Does anyone in your church know?


CP: No one. I think people would judge me if they knew.


Douglas: Even though you don't think your job is wrong?


CP: Look at you. You seem to have a bias towards me.

Rock on Beavis

To those about to rock...

I salute you...

Little Benny

I've been pretty busy lately, so Cam agreed to take over NM for a bit...oh yeah, he's 5. This is both bad & good. The bad is that...he's 5 & doesn't really know how to type. He kinda types in tongues...good thing is that he can interpret what he writes. He already done so for me on the following text. If you really want to know what it says, drop me a line & I can have him call you & interpret it for you personally...all for a small fee of course...

Oh I'm so proud of my little Benny...

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KOTH: Keeping of With Our Joneses

All Jesus did that day was tell stories--a long storytelling afternoon.

Episode #10 (Rank #40) 4/27/1997




When Hank catches Bobby smoking, he punishes him by making him smoke a whole carton of cigarettes. The plan backfires when not only does Bobby get addicted to cigarettes, but Hank and Peggy get re-addicted. Luanne tries to help them quit.

Quotes:

Hank (reading cigarette box to Bobby): "Lung cancer, heart disease, emphesyma..." Bobby: "I thought those were the ingredients."

Cigarenders Leader: I think your problem is that you're a little weak right now... Hank: Weak?! Look at you with those birdy arms! They're no bigger than a cigarette, I could smoke them arms!

Analysis:

At 1st I thought the title a type-o. Then it dawned on me...I know, I know...I'm an idiot.

jones n. Slang. 1. An addiction to heroin.

Hank, Peggy & Bobby aren't that destitute, but they do struggle with addiction in this 1. Hank's approach to Bobby's experimentation w/cigarettes proves asinine & only serves to get the whole family hooked. Once again, his best intentions do him in.

There's a way that looks harmless enough;
look again--it leads straight to hell.

This could be extrapolated to a lot of the church's efforts overall to do things for people's own good...all the while we drive them further & further away from Christ. The examples are too real, too sad & depressing to list, but I'm sure that if you think about it, you could name many. I know that my own life mirrors a lot of terrible results made manifest by my own good intentions.

Relish life with the spouse you love Each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God's gift. It's all you get in exchange For the hard work of staying alive. Make the most of each one!

The beauty of this episode comes at the end when the Hill's emerge from their makeshift ark of a home to witness a new day dawning over a devasted Arlen & see it for what it truly is...beautiful & most worthy to rejoice in. No longer chained to addiction Hank & crew raise seeking simplicity in a game of catch & appear to revel in their new found redemption. What a great story...

The Filter & the Veil

Don't know if you caught this last Monday nite, but the topic was What Happens After We Die? on Larry King LIVE & there was some great dialogue. Although I don't agree with everything that she had to say, Mary Ann Williamson had some interesting takes on what we sense as reality...

MARY ANN WILLIAMSON, AUTHOR/LECTURER ON SPIRITUALITY: I agree with what Father Manning said, that all of the love that we've longed for all of our lives, we find it. We're there. I think that only love is real. And we can see it once we've died. I think that this earth is like a veil of illusion. The mortal mind obfuscates the spiritual truth, which is the love of God. And I think that when we die, the veil falls down, the filter is gone, and we're in that state of pure love which is God.

...all concepts like where do we go, space and time don't exist in God's eternity. So it's a state of awareness and knowledge and experience of pure love, which is God, which is the true life.

I guess the key to success, true success in this life, is to recognize what we sense as reality for what it truly is. Our reality appears to be something like a veil. The things that we place importance on, really don't amount to much in the ways that we think, but could when thought of transformationally. The dollars we make inherit the morality with which we choose to use them, as well as the stuff that they go on to purchase.

Our very bodies aren't even our own to do with as we please, but rather should be seen as just another modality with which to engage this downward spiraling reality...or not. What if our every action, thought or premise were scrutinized to the degree of either furthering or hindering the Kingdom? How could it not change or at least challenge the very fabric with which our existence is woven?

I live in the deep fried south where I don't always understand what's up or down. You've just got to love the hypocrisy. Where you can leave a hell fire & brimstone service that damns everything from tobacco to beer, then head to your nearest AYCE slop house of choice & literally eat yourself to death. Funny thing is, that the death may not be your's only, but be shared with the ill-treated "sinner" who happens to see you put away your child's body weight in ribs, all the while mindful not to get any sauce on your new suit. What great stewards we are! Praise God!

I'm afraid that some, myself included, have missed the boat by so much, that when we realize the impact of our fall, we wouldn't even hit water. Oh for the need of mental, mortal lobotomies & dying gasps for true spritual gestation. If we could but just close our eyes & truly see beyond the filter & the veil to His reality...