Attempting to be Round
The call isn't an easy one to hear & has proven to be an even harder one to follow. What's the difference between my desire and His? What's an earnest longing of my heart and what isn't? What's been put there by the Almighty or by myself?
I dunno.
I wish that I did.
Do I fall on my sword or risk lopping the ear off of another with it? There always seems to be pain involved either way, wether it be my own or that of another, perceived or otherwise.
I'm desperate.
I want security...safety...serenity...but at what price? Even that that I don't do & know is right is wrong for me.
This decision weighs heavily upon me. I don't want to make it more than what it is, but this is my reality. Valid points abound on either side, none of which seem to dominate the others.
I often feel like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. No matter how I try to hammer away at myself, I've progressed no further in than when I first began. The pain of trying to fit is the only thing that remains.
Pain...splinters of a square peg attempting to be round...
Maybe there's a square hole for me to fit into?
Maybe...just maybe...
I dunno...
I dunno.
I wish that I did.
Do I fall on my sword or risk lopping the ear off of another with it? There always seems to be pain involved either way, wether it be my own or that of another, perceived or otherwise.
I'm desperate.
I want security...safety...serenity...but at what price? Even that that I don't do & know is right is wrong for me.
This decision weighs heavily upon me. I don't want to make it more than what it is, but this is my reality. Valid points abound on either side, none of which seem to dominate the others.
I often feel like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. No matter how I try to hammer away at myself, I've progressed no further in than when I first began. The pain of trying to fit is the only thing that remains.
Pain...splinters of a square peg attempting to be round...
Maybe there's a square hole for me to fit into?
Maybe...just maybe...
I dunno...
posted by lee at 12:09 PM
2 Comments:
oh the depth of sorrow that has filled my heart. trying to fit but realizing I can't.
then the question arises..."is it me who is trying to fit, or the others?"
and who made the freakin whole anyway? after all, that box every one has telling us to think outside of DOES NOT EXIST!
so. go Neo on it..."There is no whole!"
I too have attttempted to force the peg. I have come to a belief that by attempting to "force" the peg that I am working against myself. The best thing I can do for myself is to atte,pt to live as authentically as possible. That means I have to listen to what is going on in my soul. Sometimes I have to pull away fom the shore and follow Jesus to the mountain where I can be alone with God. Where I can be honest with myself and God about what is happening in my soul-- honesty and truth. Yes GOd loves me, but believe it, or not God also likes me. What would a true dear friend who really likes you say? Rick
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