Anti-Precision

I must preface the following for those who don't know me personally. I've always been a very analytical person. My living is made on my ability to be very precise...methodical even.

This has always been a comfort to me in a lot of ways. Knowing the measure. Faith in precision.

My life now mirrors none of this. Absolutely not one bit. I struggle at times, but ultimately I'm cool with it.

Life, like faith, has nothing to do with precision or with the very analytical measure of things. This is something that we've all got to come to grips with. It's been a very arduous thing for me, but I think that I'm getting there.

Everything is relational at it's very essence. One of my friends would say that this is primal, and he's probably right. If this is right, than I'm never further from home than when I rely on precision and the sum of equation.

Amy & I are living proof of this very essence sans methodology. We don't exchange gifts for Christmas or birthdays. We don't try to impress others with our dress. We don't try to show off by getting our kids the latest, greatest, can't live without toy. We don't do or say a lot of things that some would think to be either the key to happiness or the fruit there of.

You could argue that our very unmethodical ways are a methodology of sorts, and I guess that you'd be right. All I know is that God's blessed this poor old fool beyond anything that he could ever imagine or deserve.

So while I wrestle with those great paradoxes of faith, such as how to fit 4 kids into 3 bedrooms, I've come to a point where I've got to lose faith. The faith in the analytical and precision. It kills.

Having faith that is active and alive is being cool with the notion of a God who can be very precise, yet deals with us in ways that seldom resemble as such. I often think that my faith is a 5lb bag that tries to contain 10lbs of stuff. Anti-precision at best.

Paradox.

Contradiction.

I guess I'm cool with that...yep.