Pearl Birth
Today was not a good day. To put it bluntly it sucked, BIG TIME. Maybe spending 7 hours on the road with 3 little ones, getting a ticket or suffering from a massive headache had a little to do with it.
I kept looking over at my better half and remarking how these weren't turning out to be the pleasant x-mas memories that they should be and that I just wanted to forget that this day ever took place. The ticket weighed heavy on my mind and regardless of how I tried to tell myself that it was just a stupid mistake and to forget about it, I couldn't. The ticket just served as a reminder of all the idiocy of my past and traveling back to the scene of the crime didn't help any.
I've often heard how people look back over their lives without any regrets and how they wouldn't change a thing, but I've never been able to approach this place in my own existence. I've always had regret and the ever present manifestations of past mistakes and this ticket is the very epitome of both. I try to focus as we continue to journey, but it is very difficult.
We approach the Louisiana state line and irony the size of a road sign smacks me right between the eyes. We've crossed this bridge several times in the past, but it's this time that I take special notice of the name of the river. It's very name conjures ideations of the beauty born through much struggle and irritation. The name of the river is Pearl.
I'm reminded of a bible study I led on Revelation some years back and how entrance is gained through one of the gates called Pearl. I proclaim how our entry through this gate is ironic due to the very nature of the pearl and the formation of something very beautiful begins with such an irritant. Traversing the bridge this day brings me full circle in realizing the redemption of something that I continue to struggle with in my own life...my past.
I've trusted the Lord with everything, at least I thought. He's the master of my present and I most definitely trust Him with my future, but I fear that I've neglected letting Him rule in my past. This is not to say that I can go back in time and place Him where He should have been, but I can trust in Him to redeem those irritating failures that embody my past and allow Him to present it to me as blessings now.
Entering into my past is still hard at times, but I know that one day I'll return to find the pearl that He's forming there. This pearl does nothing but cover a multitude of regret and fuels my longing for tomorrow. This longing is not to distance myself from the irritation of yesterday, but to see the pearl birth of tomorrow.
I kept looking over at my better half and remarking how these weren't turning out to be the pleasant x-mas memories that they should be and that I just wanted to forget that this day ever took place. The ticket weighed heavy on my mind and regardless of how I tried to tell myself that it was just a stupid mistake and to forget about it, I couldn't. The ticket just served as a reminder of all the idiocy of my past and traveling back to the scene of the crime didn't help any.
I've often heard how people look back over their lives without any regrets and how they wouldn't change a thing, but I've never been able to approach this place in my own existence. I've always had regret and the ever present manifestations of past mistakes and this ticket is the very epitome of both. I try to focus as we continue to journey, but it is very difficult.
We approach the Louisiana state line and irony the size of a road sign smacks me right between the eyes. We've crossed this bridge several times in the past, but it's this time that I take special notice of the name of the river. It's very name conjures ideations of the beauty born through much struggle and irritation. The name of the river is Pearl.
I'm reminded of a bible study I led on Revelation some years back and how entrance is gained through one of the gates called Pearl. I proclaim how our entry through this gate is ironic due to the very nature of the pearl and the formation of something very beautiful begins with such an irritant. Traversing the bridge this day brings me full circle in realizing the redemption of something that I continue to struggle with in my own life...my past.
I've trusted the Lord with everything, at least I thought. He's the master of my present and I most definitely trust Him with my future, but I fear that I've neglected letting Him rule in my past. This is not to say that I can go back in time and place Him where He should have been, but I can trust in Him to redeem those irritating failures that embody my past and allow Him to present it to me as blessings now.
Entering into my past is still hard at times, but I know that one day I'll return to find the pearl that He's forming there. This pearl does nothing but cover a multitude of regret and fuels my longing for tomorrow. This longing is not to distance myself from the irritation of yesterday, but to see the pearl birth of tomorrow.
posted by lee at 9:03 PM
1 Comments:
going home. yea, that is a trip I have not wanted to make for many years. The whole going home deal is bad enough, but dealing with the "scene of the crime" as you said, is more than a heavy coat to wear.
thankfully, those scars I now bear are the buuilding blocks of a life still in progress. better, clearer, and more hopeful.
rest in the now during your visit. embrace the newness of your family. the past haunts, but family can ease the whispers of times gone by.
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