Aspiration
Wow. This is really weird. I was literally moments away from logging on and posting about something when the phone rang. The voice on the other end brought words that stirred the very epitome of my future, now present, and as you are reading it, past post.
I had been going through the application process at work to be considered for promotion to the soon to be vacant director's position. At first it was on a whim, but it was always something that I took serious. I said all along that I had a snowballs chance of getting the thing, but that that didn't matter. I said this enough times that I thought I would have believed myself by now, but I apparently didn't buy it.
As the caller told me that she was putting an end to my interview process, I couldn't help but feel both relieved and disappointed. The relief comes from the fact that I now realize that this position was one that I really didn't want or need to have in the first place and the disappointment is something that I really didn't expect. I shrugged my shoulders and said that it's cool, but deep down I can't help but question myself.
What's the hell wrong with me? I got the answer that I knew was coming and knew was right for me and I still harbor disappointment? Suddenly I'm no longer comfortable in my skin. Who the hell am I?
Funny thing is that this comes on the heels of our latest incarnation of Saturday Nite worship at the ole' WBC, where I was oddly enough equally pleased and pissed off. My head seems to know, but for some reason my heart hasn't got the memo yet. Just like with the job app, I knew what to expect and how I was to react, but for some reason this dusty old tent continues to flap in the breeze.
All that I can say for the good, is that at least these feelings are from the fringe and aren't the dominant over tones in the music that is my life and my walk. But why? Why do they have to be there at all? Does anybody know...'cause I'm dying for an answer...
I long to tread no more...
Overcome---Live V
I had been going through the application process at work to be considered for promotion to the soon to be vacant director's position. At first it was on a whim, but it was always something that I took serious. I said all along that I had a snowballs chance of getting the thing, but that that didn't matter. I said this enough times that I thought I would have believed myself by now, but I apparently didn't buy it.
As the caller told me that she was putting an end to my interview process, I couldn't help but feel both relieved and disappointed. The relief comes from the fact that I now realize that this position was one that I really didn't want or need to have in the first place and the disappointment is something that I really didn't expect. I shrugged my shoulders and said that it's cool, but deep down I can't help but question myself.
What's the hell wrong with me? I got the answer that I knew was coming and knew was right for me and I still harbor disappointment? Suddenly I'm no longer comfortable in my skin. Who the hell am I?
Funny thing is that this comes on the heels of our latest incarnation of Saturday Nite worship at the ole' WBC, where I was oddly enough equally pleased and pissed off. My head seems to know, but for some reason my heart hasn't got the memo yet. Just like with the job app, I knew what to expect and how I was to react, but for some reason this dusty old tent continues to flap in the breeze.
All that I can say for the good, is that at least these feelings are from the fringe and aren't the dominant over tones in the music that is my life and my walk. But why? Why do they have to be there at all? Does anybody know...'cause I'm dying for an answer...
I long to tread no more...
beautiful drowning
this beautiful drowning
this holy water
this holy water is in my lungs
and i am overcome
i am overcome
i am overcome
i am overcome
Overcome---Live V
posted by lee at 9:36 AM
1 Comments:
brothers from a different mother. the road seems less frustrating to me. speak loud that whaich is rumbeling in your soul.
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