Wooden Wagons

I'll admit it. I'm terribly addicted to habit and ritual of my own making. With that being said, and the full realization of Ivan's aftermath, there's no other way to explain my absence from this forum, but that I've taken a headlong tumble from the proverbial wagon and have quite possible been run over by it in the process. As I struggle to regain what I lost, all is being re-evaluated and put in proper place. I just pray that my relationship is stronger than ritual and is not handcuffed by habit, but I've found that it is not totally exclusive from them and that scares me a bit. I've always longed for others understanding and through all of this I've found that maybe my own understanding of self is what I've longingly desired all the while. I've got this long running fear that the deception lies somewhere in my being, undetected and festering, and this last series of events concerns me somewhat.
Maybe this is just my cross to bear? My thorn in the flesh? I dunno, but I covet relationship that overcomes all, especially these wood-born entities...maybe by learning to embracing the wood, we truly learn what it means to embrace the One?