Hungry, Helpless & Hopeless
I'm starved and it looks like it's just You & me. It's not supposed to be this way. This hunger is not to be carried alone. You looked down and said that it wasn't good Yourself. You've known this all along. You still know this. Why don't we? After all, You came to establish the Great Feast that awaits, but will we ever get to experience this in some small part here? I mean, we see in part now, don't we?
The answers I seek lie within myself, no matter how I deny it. Instead of helping to comprise your pure bride all in white, I'd rather occupy the corner awaiting my john in fishnet. I hate the rest, because I hate what I become as well. My vertical hunger doesn't always carry over to the horizontal and I'm much the less for it. Dying on the vine carries so much more weight in this context.
You say "taste & see", but do I have to eat alone? I long to share your table with the family, but either I or them have opted to watch the ballgame and to hold the couch instead. I continue to seek ways in which this hunger can be satisfied in company, but I've not much success so far. I've vowed to trudge onward and to never stop, but is a meal shared here or there to much to ask? I'm very much helpless in this endeavor.
My helplessness threatens to handicaps me. It pushes to hopelessness. Cynical hopelessness cripples my walk...confines my gait. Are there any crumbs at all to consume from this elusive horizontal communion? You've paid too high a price for these private meals to continue. I'm begging for the words to make them stop.
The answers I seek lie within myself, no matter how I deny it. Instead of helping to comprise your pure bride all in white, I'd rather occupy the corner awaiting my john in fishnet. I hate the rest, because I hate what I become as well. My vertical hunger doesn't always carry over to the horizontal and I'm much the less for it. Dying on the vine carries so much more weight in this context.
You say "taste & see", but do I have to eat alone? I long to share your table with the family, but either I or them have opted to watch the ballgame and to hold the couch instead. I continue to seek ways in which this hunger can be satisfied in company, but I've not much success so far. I've vowed to trudge onward and to never stop, but is a meal shared here or there to much to ask? I'm very much helpless in this endeavor.
My helplessness threatens to handicaps me. It pushes to hopelessness. Cynical hopelessness cripples my walk...confines my gait. Are there any crumbs at all to consume from this elusive horizontal communion? You've paid too high a price for these private meals to continue. I'm begging for the words to make them stop.
posted by lee at 2:46 AM
2 Comments:
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Lee! You and Amy weren't hit TOO hard by the hurricanes, were you?
"Cynical hopelessness cripples my walk...confines my gait."
It's been my experience that sometimes a shift in our perspective, a shift that brings us closer to the way God wants us to see and experience our lives, is almost crucial sometimes.
The immense pressure it seems that you put on yourself to continually grow is truly admirable. The love that God has for us, and the desire He has for us to be blessed beyond our understanding, is something we can only hope to fathom in this realm. I believe he wants us to be who we are capable of, but he wants us to find the peace and joy in all of our experiences and thoughts that we are capable of as well.
There IS a time for everything under the sun, but I think the time to be joyous and peaceful is more often than a lot of modern Christianity would like to believe.
I have neither the experience or the knowledge that you do, Lee, so I hope that I may help to encourage you even in some small way...and if not, you can sabotage the Cardinals for me.
[no! don't do it!]
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