Help! Jesus Is Trashin' My Life!
I knew it shouldn't be like this, but the fact of the matter was, that it was. I searched a laundry list of reason & found none viable. That is until now.
Last week the folks were w/us for the week & what should've been a great time of fun & togetherness, turned into sleepless mornings filled w/gut wrenching anxiety. I couldn't put my finger on it & believe me, I tried. I was just very uneasy about something & was very annoyed to not know what.
I've got a great relationship w/my folks & love being w/them. We've had our moments in the past, but nothing too extraordinary. So the reason for my anxiety was very hard to figure. That is until now.
The problem was & continues to be, is that I'm an idolater.
I've always thought to pride myself on my spontaneity & ability to be easy going, you know, w/the flow & all, but I was wrong. I've found that I've fooled myself into a false sense of security. I've spent the past who knows how long worshiping @ the altar of regimen.
I've given my faith away & filled the void w/the worship of the religion of repetition. Finding solace in the ebb & flow of the existence that is my life, that seemed very natural & comfortable. Truth be known, I lost the uncomfort of the supernatural & settled for a cheap imitation.
The anxiety was from a very real God speaking into my very unreal existence.
Wake up! I'm not found in the motion & rhythm that you find so appealing about your being here, but beyond that. Causing it...
It often seems epiphany comes w/a cost. Sometimes the price tag is the last thing that I see. Maybe it should be the 1st.
My inconsistency makes me sick...
Jesus Freak played last nite on my way into work. Usually I'm pretty quick to turn this 1, but not tonite. Tonite I listen & wonder.
Did DC write the lyrics, chorus especially, for those considering the walk in front of non-believers (which is what I always thought) or the church? I pondered this thought as I traveled down the 110. I mean, what's more terrifying to those professing to know the Way, but yet are reluctant @ best to walk it, than to be confronted by a barbaric, locust-eating wild man.
I know that I've looked @ those dudes in the past w/patronizing glances @ best & disdainful 1's @ worst. It was because I was rocked asleep by the motion of the body & was most comfortable there. The ebb & flow of civilized church life only enhanced my existence, which is the point right?
All I know now is that this Jesus character is making a wreck of my life. I mean, He's totally trashin' it. This more abundant life stuff is nuts.
I wouldn't have it any other way...
Last week the folks were w/us for the week & what should've been a great time of fun & togetherness, turned into sleepless mornings filled w/gut wrenching anxiety. I couldn't put my finger on it & believe me, I tried. I was just very uneasy about something & was very annoyed to not know what.
I've got a great relationship w/my folks & love being w/them. We've had our moments in the past, but nothing too extraordinary. So the reason for my anxiety was very hard to figure. That is until now.
The problem was & continues to be, is that I'm an idolater.
I've always thought to pride myself on my spontaneity & ability to be easy going, you know, w/the flow & all, but I was wrong. I've found that I've fooled myself into a false sense of security. I've spent the past who knows how long worshiping @ the altar of regimen.
I've given my faith away & filled the void w/the worship of the religion of repetition. Finding solace in the ebb & flow of the existence that is my life, that seemed very natural & comfortable. Truth be known, I lost the uncomfort of the supernatural & settled for a cheap imitation.
The anxiety was from a very real God speaking into my very unreal existence.
Wake up! I'm not found in the motion & rhythm that you find so appealing about your being here, but beyond that. Causing it...
It often seems epiphany comes w/a cost. Sometimes the price tag is the last thing that I see. Maybe it should be the 1st.
My inconsistency makes me sick...
Jesus Freak played last nite on my way into work. Usually I'm pretty quick to turn this 1, but not tonite. Tonite I listen & wonder.
Did DC write the lyrics, chorus especially, for those considering the walk in front of non-believers (which is what I always thought) or the church? I pondered this thought as I traveled down the 110. I mean, what's more terrifying to those professing to know the Way, but yet are reluctant @ best to walk it, than to be confronted by a barbaric, locust-eating wild man.
I know that I've looked @ those dudes in the past w/patronizing glances @ best & disdainful 1's @ worst. It was because I was rocked asleep by the motion of the body & was most comfortable there. The ebb & flow of civilized church life only enhanced my existence, which is the point right?
All I know now is that this Jesus character is making a wreck of my life. I mean, He's totally trashin' it. This more abundant life stuff is nuts.
I wouldn't have it any other way...
posted by lee at 9:28 AM
3 Comments:
SO what does this mean bro? I have been reading a lot about having a kingdom perspective rather than a personal one. but it seems to most, that having a kingdom perspective includes a watered down easy faith that does not call for commitment and sacrifice.
I mean really.
how is it that Jesus dies, and asks us to die, yet we just take and choose like scripture is a buffet where we can leave what we want and take what is easy?
deconstruction requires the hard questions. yet, it does not require that we de holify that which is holy, nor deoes it require that we set up camp in the outskirts and watch others set up the "tabernacle"?
so. is your life trashed to the point of Isaiah? is mine trashed to the point where I am driven to worship in brokenness and humility?
or do we simply sigh and say all is good.?
need some sharpening.
trashed to the point of Isaiah?...
not hardly...
but, for maybe the 1st time ever i feel as if i'm on the right track...
i can just look back to see where i've been & it gives me hope as to where i'm goin'...
i've been blessed in being able to see things that i've only read about & granted an idea of understanding that shows me His hand through it all...
i've thought a lot about what you said...even before you said it...
you know, 'bout de-holifying the holy, but more about the feeble & highly unnecesary attempts to holify all that considered unholy...
i think a lot of the rhetoric about kingdom perspective & how like a lot of things, it's usage may often be connected to things that may not have been or should have been the original intent...
how can 1 peer into the Will of the Almighty & how he/she is to help usher that in w/out making it personal...?
to not do so is cowardice & not biblical...
as far as tabernacle set up...
i can only see that tent as an amazingly large vessel where 1 may tarry on a side of it w/out even noticing or being privy to the work on the opposing side of it...
all i can do is what i'm called...
no more no less...
that means recognizing the work that He's set apart for me & hopefully appreciating that of those by my side or across the way...
i don't have to fully understand it, but at the very least i can respect it & let God be glorified in it...
main thing for me is...
i don't have it all figured out...
i know this...
& it has made all the difference...
I am diggin the right track thing.
but I am really struggling with some issues that deal with the line we seem so willing to cross.
you know what I mean.
conversations with folks that involve God as majestic. God as ruler. God as redeemer. God as more than.
I am not trying to get my head around it, for just as I try, it is like the bedroom window that blew i and soaked all my stuff during Wilma. to much pressure...something had to give.
but my heart is drawn to a kingly God as of late. for whatever reason, there seems to be more interest in the campfire God than the one who sits on the throne.
I can't look at his children to reflect that, (although we are to be known by our love for one another,) because we are act like we are rulers ourselves, looking for Longshanks to dole out lands and titles for our loyalty that hinges on an offer not to fight. (Braveheart)
I guess it comes down to a heart that longs for so much more than...typical stuff we seem to hear that makes us all feel good about who we are.
a holiness that drives us to our knees in worship and humility, one that shakes us at our core.
This is not popular today. but we need it. soon.
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