Guilt K's

There has never been a more critical time than now to examine faith. I've personally spent the last 2 yrs deconstructing & allowing the proper re-construction of all that I thought that I knew. Last night taught me that I've still got work to do.

I was on my way into work when I pulled up to the light right behind an old chevy suburban. I did what you probably do & started to study the stickers on the back when the light changed. In my haste & excitement (I was listening to game #5 of the NLCS on XM) I tapped the gas sending my truck right up behind the long 2-tone suburban in front of me.

Come on! What's the deal?

The closer my front bumper edged towards the other chevy the slower it seemed to move. So I did what any good red-blooded american male would do. I gassed it, whipped into the other lane & glared @ the driver like she was wasting my time & momentum.

You'd think that it'd end there wouldn't you? But you just have to know that it doesn't. Guess what? Yep. You got it. I get to the next light & pull in the left turn lane to only be passed by the old chevy heading straight. Yep. You got it again. She glared back like I was some kind of highway menace.

I then begin to think back to the stickers adorning said chevy's backside. What a hypocrite! I mean, who drives a suburban w/stickers like 'i brake for animals' or 'nothing taste as good as being thin feels' or 'think green' for crying our loud!

Why the nerve of some people...

I proceed to work not thinking of much else, save for the expeditious filling of the hospital's med carts & keeping my eyes peeled to the game broadcast of my beloved cards. They had just taken a 2-1 lead when I arrived & all was right w/the world. It's destiny. God loves me, wants me to be happy & therefore my cards win tonight.

This was the case until Berkman's 3 run dinger in the bottom of the 7th. My heart just sank. This couldn't be happening to me or to my cards.

Then I thought about something that I hadn't in a long, long time. God was punishing me. Through my own beloved cards. Crazy right? Nope. He's God & He can do what He wants. I mean after all He punished His own people w/heathen nations right? Why couldn't He use the very heathenistic 'stros to teach me a lesson?

Remember the suburban & the 'green' hypocrite? God saw that look I gave her & didn't like it. He was now exacting the measure of my sin through million dollar athletes to teach me something.

Then I thought, boy this is really stupid. So I had to dig to see where this came from. It didn't take long to find.

As a kid my team was the Dallas Cowboys. I lived & died w/them. I also distinctly remembering that their ultimate success or failure depended on my spiritual state.

If I behaved, did well in school, prayed regularly & stayed relatively quite in church my 'boys won, cause God rewarded me through them. It had absolutely nothing to do w/injuries to key players, game plans or weather conditions. God heard & watched me alone in determining their fate & ignored the prayers of other little boys who offered pleas up for their own rams or eagles or whoever.

Funny how something so ridiculous rides w/you all your life & you don't even really think about till something similar happens. I retire to the back of the department to find solace in a protein bar & to feel sorry for myself. I curse the 'stros w/everything that I've got & decide to get back to work.

Dumb, mis-guided faith...

The cards enter their half of the 9th. Lidge is on the hill & has owned them. Hitter's #8, 9 & 1 are up & all is lost.

J-Rod k's. So does Mabry. It's official, God hates me...

Little Eck gets on w/a bleeder. Edmonds walks & here comes Albert! Maybe, just maybe...but, he's 0-4 & Lidge gets A.P. They just don't lose after bringing a lead to the 9th. They're something like 136-1 over the last 2 yrs when getting to this point. Besides, God's still got a lesson for me to learn here due to my unchrist-like behavior.

The count goes 0-1 then I see it. HOME RUN flashes across the screen & I can only pump my fist in silence as everyone else, unaware of the life & death importance of this game, looks @ me as if I'd been struck w/an epileptic seizure.

Izzy closes out the bottom of the frame & my cards live to see another day. All this despite my sinfulness. Silly hunh?

Another erroneous construct of my faith tumbled last night. I also resurrected the innocence of my youth & all the L's I caused Tony D & the rest of the 'boys. More importantly Truth showed up, accepted me despite my shortcomings & solidified another facet in my life.

Silly hunh?

Nope...