Bobbing Unicorns
A few weeks ago I sat & listened how temptation was greatest when this particular speaker was weakest. I've come to find that this couldn't be further from the truth for me. In fact, this is the exact opposite for me.
I'm at my greatest spiritual capacity when physically I'm running on fumes. I'm not really sure why this is, but I've got some good suspicions. It just seems to me that when I'm physically strong & well rested I tend to rely on my own abilities & talents, but when I'm bushed, beaten & broken, I have no choice but to rely on another beyond myself to sustain me.
I wish that this were my guiding motivation, but I'm afraid that another factor comes into play here. I'm not exactly the best at resting & relaxing without having some sense of guilt come in to play for doing so. I've got this screwed up idea that I've always got to be active & accomplishing things to just make the day a successful 1.
Lately I've noticed that regiments & routine rule my day to the degree that if I don't get in my weight training or the paper read or my daily quiet time, that the day is totally ruined. In my mind I'm constantly fighting this battle of busyness. The frustrating thing of it all is that I know what's happening, yet I can't make myself stop. I want off the merry-go-round, but can't seem to let go of the damned unicorn that's bobbing up & down.
Working a swing shift of 7-on, 7-off hasn't been the most conducive shift considering my issues as of late. More work would solve the problem, but that's not a legitimate answer. I think that I just might be going nuts.
Any suggestions?
I'm at my greatest spiritual capacity when physically I'm running on fumes. I'm not really sure why this is, but I've got some good suspicions. It just seems to me that when I'm physically strong & well rested I tend to rely on my own abilities & talents, but when I'm bushed, beaten & broken, I have no choice but to rely on another beyond myself to sustain me.
I wish that this were my guiding motivation, but I'm afraid that another factor comes into play here. I'm not exactly the best at resting & relaxing without having some sense of guilt come in to play for doing so. I've got this screwed up idea that I've always got to be active & accomplishing things to just make the day a successful 1.
Lately I've noticed that regiments & routine rule my day to the degree that if I don't get in my weight training or the paper read or my daily quiet time, that the day is totally ruined. In my mind I'm constantly fighting this battle of busyness. The frustrating thing of it all is that I know what's happening, yet I can't make myself stop. I want off the merry-go-round, but can't seem to let go of the damned unicorn that's bobbing up & down.
Working a swing shift of 7-on, 7-off hasn't been the most conducive shift considering my issues as of late. More work would solve the problem, but that's not a legitimate answer. I think that I just might be going nuts.
Any suggestions?
posted by lee at 10:07 PM
1 Comments:
no wise and profound answers. just going nuts with you. guess we both need to force a day that's regimen "less".. complete frivolity, nothing more. and then make it a habit.
maybe the fault, if there is one is that we simply spin our wheels when he's calling us to be simple.
Hank: "Some times people choke, Bobby. We just gotta be proud that God took the time to give us a fault."
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