I Had A Rock

There was a murmur in the wind
The crowds begin to form
You could feel the electricity in the air
She'll get her's...this is what's lawful and what she deserves
I feel the course, abrasive tool
I don't even remember stooping to pick it up, but it's there
It's there and awaiting my instruction
It's nothing spectacular and not capable of anything on it's own

Others grow restless in anticipation of the festival
Who'll get the first shot in? the last?
Sometimes the first is always the hardest and most electric
It seems to break an invisible surface tension that protects the wretched
Afterwards the others seem to float in effortlessly
They find their mark most maliciously and without any apologies
After all, this is His work and something that we must do...right?
The thirst for sheer violence and spectacle of it all helps in the justification
The first time was hard, but they have sense grown easier

Ah, now we'll get to it
I see one in front who stoops
Maybe he'll be the first and it'll begin...
What's this? He's not got a rock at all, he's just writing in the sand
He's saying something, but I'm too far to hear
He crouches again and returns to his writing
What??? Everyone is turning as to leave?
This can't be right! We've got His work to be about...don't we?

I reflect often on that day and the ones since
On the instrument that I caressed in my hands posed for violence in His name
On the anticipation that fed my flesh and raced my heart
This day is not so unlike the one previous
I once again carry my course, abrasive tool close to my chest
This time though my thoughts are clear and not deceived by an excited heart
This time is for real and I know that I know that He'll be pleased

I once again drop the stone, not unlike the first
I once again turn from the stone, but leave it unattended for just a while
I retrieve another and place it beside the first
This goes on for sometime until the wall begins to take shape
Pretty soon this place will be suitable for meeting in again

It has taken quite some time for me to realize the difference between the stones
The first was to fulfill my will and indulge my flesh under the heading of His own
The second and subsequent ones were for Him and Him alone and I knew this now
I mean, I knew that I knew for the first time and it was if I was reborn at that point
I finally realized that I've had these stones in my life all along
They've always been unspectacular and incapable of anything on their own
I also realized that my first assessment was correct...these were just tools
It has always been up to me as to how they've been used
To be hurled in anger and self-serving conceit or dropped at the feet as to build up

It's always been up to me