overwhelmed...undeserved...overcome...
that 1 your's man? i ask the over-sized man peering thru the window @ our 3rd floor nursery.
yeah...
congrats bro...
yeah...um, thanks...
i continue to walk on by as i notice that this man was me not 6 yrs ago. this man looking thru the glass @ his future. this man floating above the floor on a high that no drug can command.
i can't help but feel his sense of coming undone. standing in awe of creation & holding responsibility over it. knowing that all he has to date are a long list of what's ultimately gone wrong in his life, while looking @ the 1 thing that hasn't.
i'm currently overwhelmed...
i want to be jesus. i want to conquer the world. i want, i want, i want...
i think that i just discovered my problem.
desire, passion & want are not necessarily bad things i guess, when they're safe & securely harnessed by the bridle of discernment. living in a constant state of want allows me to charge hills that i was never meant to see & jump down tunnels that were better left covered w/only myself to blame. i often outrun my protection & then wonder what happened.
i think back to when cam came. he turned my world upside down & i was looking down on all of creation he made me so high. how blessed i was/am & continue to be.
all undeserved...
while i'm fearfully & wonderfully made, i've got a big problem. i'm defective & filled w/imperfection. i do what i don't want to & don't do what i should.
i'm to raise 4 kids & a wife & i'm scared as hell. i want them to see christ, but sometimes feel that this is but a pipe dream as i'm doomed for failure. my current state of reasoning is that the best that i can hope for is to not screw their lives up too much.
maybe i'm just feeling sorry for myself...
right now...
i'm simply overcome...
yeah...
congrats bro...
yeah...um, thanks...
i continue to walk on by as i notice that this man was me not 6 yrs ago. this man looking thru the glass @ his future. this man floating above the floor on a high that no drug can command.
i can't help but feel his sense of coming undone. standing in awe of creation & holding responsibility over it. knowing that all he has to date are a long list of what's ultimately gone wrong in his life, while looking @ the 1 thing that hasn't.
i'm currently overwhelmed...
i want to be jesus. i want to conquer the world. i want, i want, i want...
i think that i just discovered my problem.
desire, passion & want are not necessarily bad things i guess, when they're safe & securely harnessed by the bridle of discernment. living in a constant state of want allows me to charge hills that i was never meant to see & jump down tunnels that were better left covered w/only myself to blame. i often outrun my protection & then wonder what happened.
i think back to when cam came. he turned my world upside down & i was looking down on all of creation he made me so high. how blessed i was/am & continue to be.
all undeserved...
while i'm fearfully & wonderfully made, i've got a big problem. i'm defective & filled w/imperfection. i do what i don't want to & don't do what i should.
i'm to raise 4 kids & a wife & i'm scared as hell. i want them to see christ, but sometimes feel that this is but a pipe dream as i'm doomed for failure. my current state of reasoning is that the best that i can hope for is to not screw their lives up too much.
maybe i'm just feeling sorry for myself...
right now...
i'm simply overcome...
posted by lee at 6:23 AM
4 Comments:
Lee, just hearing a father express this makes it obvious (to me anyhow) that your children have a huge advantage in life. Not all families are bathed in such love as you and AMy have for each other and your kids.
You'll mess up, but not enough to mess them up.
Write me in 20 years and tell me if I was right...I'll bet ya $5 that I am :)
quit being such a candy.
enjoy Bro. this bit of time you are so enjoying and overcome by last but a moment.
then they want keys, cash, and spouses.
that is good to
God trusts you with them. If you have a betther idea than God, let Him know. Being overwhelmed is just the same a being molded by the potter in to the image of Christ. I feel overwhelmed too, but sometimes I stop and realize how cool it is that God is working on me.
the fact that you want to do well and be a good father is probably a good indication that you are.
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