i know why

i know now why he did it.

it just kinda dawned on me out of the blue the other nite. totally unexpected & unwarranted, but very welcomed & refreshing. the realization was something as real as a light lit & it's natural tendency to swallow the darkness completely, chasing the last remnants of it into the far corners of the room until they are totally vanquished.

i was just finishing up w/my cardio work for the day, when the kids broke into the inner sanctum that is my bedroom proudly showing off their displays of affection designed especially for valentine's day on colored construction paper. in time the paper will fade, but the memory birthed into reality will remain as eternal as my being. it's a time that's now frozen & rightfully so, as i was blessed much further than you would anticipate from the sharing of the heart of a 6 year old.

i took cam's pic into my mitts as he described it to me. it featured 2 hearts & a truth as eternal & true as anything that i can imagine. 1 heart's a little bigger than the other, has a stick figure of a boy in it & the words 'i love you dad' in it.

cam explained to me that the 2 hearts on paper were ours, mine being the bigger of the 2 & that the figure was him, as he knew that he was always in my heart. truer words have never been spoken. he went on to say that he was there w/god & that i was in his w/god too.

i swallowed my tears much as i do now & can only lift an eye towards the almighty in thanks. because now more than ever i know. i know why he did it.

many have wrestled w/the question as to why god would propagate such a ridiculous idea as creating us, knowing all along that we'd only screw things up, go our own way, turn our backs on him, say that he doesn't exist or that we don't love him. why contend w/such a contentious creation that obviously isn't worth the effort or contumacy.

cam's creation showed me why all this is & continues to be. it's simplistic & basic & i believe it to be the purest view of the heart of god that i've ever seen. it's caused me to reassess every fiber of my existence & reprioritize my reason for being.

god created, forgives, restores, makes new & dispenses grace in such abundance because of the value of this...the choice that we make to love him. a free will decision to love is unparalleled throughout creation & continues to drive a god who has absolutely no obligation to allow our foolishness to continue. this is the very heart of a god w/out parallel or equal.

so this is why he'd buy me back @ such an awful price. for the love of a creation that didn't have to & to participate in community w/it. cam certainly doesn't have to love me, but the fact that he does & does so unconditionally is something for which there is no price tag.

if i, as an earthly father can burn w/the fires that accompany the idea that my offspring carries me in their heart & i reciprocate that in my own, how much more does our heaven father? all of this made possible because of a love greater & outside of ourselves 1st chose us. a love so pure & divine that it waits patiently for us to open ourselves to it & be set free. a love that'll eventually liberate from w/in & has the power to change worlds.

i know why he did it.

he did it for love.