his old man

i wonder when it happens. when we stop believing that our dad is the toughest guy in the world & fully capable of anything. when we trade in child like faith for biting cynicism & often times debilitating debasement of what once hung the entirety of our faith.

i'm guessing that it's somewhere between hs & college. maybe we see dad lose something physically, or maybe we're able to beat him for the 1st time in a game of 21. maybe we force his hand on issues of deeply rooted believe & actually think for the 1st time that he could be wrong.

maybe we see him cry for the 1st time when paw paw dies & we're 13 & we've never seen that before. we then wrongly equate emotion w/weakness & begin to see chinks in the armor that we hadn't before. or maybe we wonder why he's never shown such passion towards us.


cam's 6 now & thinks that i can do anything. we snuggle together watching ufc tonite & he actually believes that i could whip any one of those guys. as much as that does to puff me up, i don't want cam to get the wrong idea about his old man.

i do realize that i'm the best picture of jesus to him @ the moment. i take this very seriously. i don't want him to turn 18, walk out of the door, out of our lives & out on god.

i want him to see a daddy w/a passion for him that is unrestrained, unrelenting & unbelievable. cam not only needs a dad like this, he deserves it. i don't intend to give him any reason to grow up w/unrealistic expectations of his father...earthly or heavenly.

these are increasingly exciting times. i welcome the challenge that my life is. i long to change the world & look everywhere for signs of it happening.

i really need look no further than the mirror. for when i change myself, i've changed the world & the faith of 1 little boy. all w/the hopes that he'll follow me into the dark.